


You're all I want (even when you break my heart)

by hayleykat



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bottom Simon Lewis, M/M, Oral Sex, Red String of Fate, Sex, Top Jace Wayland
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2020-08-06
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:55:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 25,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25753930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hayleykat/pseuds/hayleykat
Summary: Simon had fantasized about the moment he would meet his soulmate his whole life. He thought he had imagined every single scenario, but that certainly hadn’t been the case. Because his soulmate, staring at him loathingly and telling him that he didn’t want him, was something he never, even in his worst nightmares, had ever conceived.
Relationships: Simon Lewis/Jace Wayland
Comments: 14
Kudos: 265
Collections: Hunter's Moon Creation Exchange





	You're all I want (even when you break my heart)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [FinditAgain](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FinditAgain/gifts).



> It's finally here! This is a present for the lovely @FinditAgain for the HM Creation Exchange. I hope you enjoy it!

Since he was a kid, Simon had been fascinated with the idea of soulmates. The fact that somewhere out in the world, there was someone made just for him seemed unbelievable. He had dreamed about the day he would meet the person at the other end of the thread tied to his little finger: the red string of fate.

As he grew up, Simon began to understand that having a soulmate didn’t necessarily mean a happy ending like movies and fairytales made him believe. Just because you had a soulmate, it didn’t mean you didn’t need to put effort and hard work into it, just like in any other relationship. It wasn’t common, but it also wasn’t unheard for soulmates to split up, despite being supposedly a perfect match. People still messed up, took things for granted, and broke each other’s hearts. Some people had more than one soulmate, and it was hard to make it work. Problems arose all the time, and not everyone was able to overcome them. But Simon was an optimist, and the idea of finding his other half was stronger than the fear of what could go wrong. He was completely sure he and his soulmate would make it work.

When he was a teenager, Simon started fantasizing about what his soulmate would look like. At first, when he thought he only liked girls, he would often think about long hair and glossy lips, but somewhere down the line, he realized he didn’t care much for gender. That complicated things, and also made them so much easier.

It was unusual for people to date someone other than their soulmate, but it was normal to fool around before you found them. As a hormonal teenager, Simon had some adventures with boys and girls, but none of them lasted, because everyone wanted to wait for their soulmate in the end. There was nothing else Simon had ever wanted as much as finding his soulmate.

With time, Simon stopped caring about how his soulmate would look like, and instead fantasized about how they would _be_ like and how they would make him feel. He often wondered about the first time they would meet, and the look on his soulmate’s face. Would they smile at him? Simon had a thing for smiles, and he often tried to imagine his soulmate’s smile and how their laugh would sound. Would they warm his heart and make it skip a beat? He hoped they did.

Despite being a hopeless romantic, Simon didn’t expect to finally meet his soulmate in a fancy and glittery party Clary had suddenly invited him to. She had started a new job as a fashion designer and got along really well with her new coworkers, one of them being the host of said party.

“You’re going to love them.” Said Clary as they walked into the apartment arm in arm. “Magnus is so talented, really, a visionary! And Isabelle, oh, so classy and powerful… They’re amazing.”

The place was crowded, and looking around, Simon felt terribly underdressed. Clary had told him it was just a casual thing, and she was wearing a pretty green sundress, but of course, she looked gorgeous in it, her big eyes standing out and contrasting with the fiery red of her hair. Simon was just wearing a shirt with an opened black jacket on top, and his usual dark jeans and sneakers.

“Hey, you said it was casual!” he mumbled under his breath, leaning into Clary. “Everyone here looks like they’re attending a charity gala for a new pediatric hospital wing that’s going to save thousands of tiny, joyful children!”

Clary threw him an unimpressed look and snorted.

“That was oddly specific, Simon. Worryingly so.” She said. “But it is a casual thing. It’s just we work in the fashion industry, so you know, we like to dress up.”

Simon sighed as she dragged him around, waving at some people she knew from the office. He squealed as she suddenly sprinted towards her friends, forgetting his arm was still wrapped around hers, and he almost tripped in her rush to get there.

“Magnus!” she exclaimed, the biggest smile on her face as she greeted them.

A handsome man with impeccable hair and sparkly makeup turned around, clearly delighted to see her.

“Biscuit!” he said and threw his arms around her. “I’m glad you could make it. Izzy, look who’s here!”

“Clary! You’re finally here!” a beautiful dark-haired woman in a wine red dress approached them, with a tall, handsome, and also dark-haired man in tow. “Oh, and who’s your plus one?”

All eyes turned to Simon, and he waved, trying not to look completely uncomfortable in his own probably too casual clothes.

“This is my best friend, Simon Lewis.” She introduced him, affectionately squeezing his arm. “Simon, they are my coworkers, Magnus Bane and Isabelle Lightwood.”

“You can call me Izzy, everyone does.” She said quickly, winking at him.

Magnus wrapped a hand around the tall man’s back, and Simon realized their strings were connected. With the same fascination he always felt when he met soulmates, he watched as the man’s features softened as he smiled at Magnus and returned the gesture, pulling him closer.

“This is my beautiful soulmate and Izzy’s brother, Alec.” He said, resting a hand on Alec’s chest, and Alec nodded curtly in greeting.

“Oh my god, Magnus!” said Clary, letting go of Simon as her hands dramatically covered her mouth. “I knew you had found your soulmate, but I didn’t know it was Izzy’s brother!”.

Izzy laughed as she looked fondly at the couple.

“When we started working together, Magnus invited me to a party just like this one, and I brought my grumpy brother in hopes he would cheer up.” She explained, and Alec rolled his eyes. “And oh, did he cheer up… It was so romantic. They just stared at each other for like hours, and Alec stuttered over his own name.”

“Why do you have to say it like that?” asked Alec, playfully shoving her. “I did not stutter.”

“Oh, yes you did, darling.” Said Magnus, and he looked ready to roast him, but someone else caught his attention. “Oh, here he comes! Clary, Simon, meet Alec and Izzy’s brother, Jace. Jace, this is my coworker, Clary Fray, and his friend, Simon Lewis.”

Simon had heard millions of stories about soulmates meeting, but the truth was that it was different for everyone. Some people felt an invisible pull to their fated ones, others knew the moment they heard their voices, and in some extreme instances, people fainted.

In Simon’s case, everything slowed down and turned black and white. Suddenly, the only color he could see was the red that led from his finger to his soulmate’s. His eyes, wide and hopeful, slowly followed the string until they landed on big, masculine hands. In a daze, he thought he would see the color of his skin, of his clothes, but all was in shades of grays until he met his eyes. Striking light blue and a hint of warm brown, and Simon thought he didn’t want to look at anything else now that he saw those eyes.

“Simon? Simon! Are you okay?” asked Clary, brusquely shaking his shoulder.

Simon gasped as if he had just come out from underwater. He blinked, the colors coming back into the world as he realized everyone was looking at him worriedly. He opened his mouth and closed it, at a loss of what to say. His eyes found back the red string, and he wavered slightly, feeling suddenly dizzy.

“Oh, Simon! Careful there.” Said Clary, rushing to help him, holding his arm.

Magnus’ eyes followed Simon’s and found the red thread, widening almost comically as he found the end tied on Jace’s finger.

“Oh my god!” he screamed, hitting Alec repeatedly on the chest. “Simon is Jace’s soulmate!”

All eyes followed the string between them, and Izzy was the next one to squeal as she threw herself onto Simon.

“Oh my god, Simon!” she exclaimed, squeezing him tightly. “I can’t believe it! This is amazing, oh, I’m so glad you two have found each other!”

It was like an explosion of joy and noise, and Simon found himself in Magnus’ and Clary’s arms next. He didn’t know how to react. The only thing he wanted was to meet Jace’s eyes… But when they finally let him go and he did, everything just crumbled down. Because Jace didn’t look shocked, or dazed, or remotely happy, as he thought he would.

The look Jace gave him, the first look his soulmate gave him, was of pure hatred. And then, he walked away.

It took Simon about half an hour to find Jace. It wasn’t easy to leave Clary and her friends, especially with Izzy and Magnus trying to simultaneously justify Jace’s reaction and apologize for him, and then he wandered around the apartment, playing with the thread around his little finger.

Jace was on the balcony, and Simon cautiously followed him outside. It wasn’t a big space, but it was prettily decorated with tons of plants and fairy lights that glowed dimly in little star shapes. Simon could understand why he was there, as he also felt the need to breathe some fresh air. He chewed on his lower lip, fumbling with his hands as he tried to come up with the courage to talk to him, but Jace turned around before he could even try it.

His eyes, beautiful and mismatched, looked at him coldly, and his jaw tightened. Simon flinched, but he balled his hands into fists and took a deep breath, trying to find his voice. Jace raised a hand, stopping him in his tracks.

“Look, uh…” he said, his eyes narrowing as if he was trying to recall his name. Simon realized it was exactly what he was doing. He already forgot about it.

“Simon.” He provided, his nails leaving marks on the inside of his hands.

Jace nodded and waved his hand dismissively, like he just didn’t care for his soulmate’s name.

“Look, Simon, I don’t believe in soulmates, okay?” he said, crossing his hands over his chest defensively. “I don’t want a soulmate, and I never will.”

“But, uh…” it was the only thing that came out of Simon’s mouth, but Jace interrupted him again.

“Save it. Nothing is going to happen between us, because this soulmate bullshit is not for me. It’s nothing personal, I just don’t believe in it, and I will not let it decide my life, so. Good luck.”

And he just walked past Simon, without sparing him another glance.

Simon’s hands slowly unclenched, red marks all over his palms. The drifting conversations from inside the party and the distant city noises were muffled, as if his ears were filled with cotton. Simon thought he almost could hear his own heart shattering.

Simon had fantasized about the moment he would meet his soulmate his whole life. He thought he had imagined every single scenario, but that certainly hadn’t been the case. Because his soulmate, staring at him loathingly and telling him that he didn’t want him, was something he never, even in his worst nightmares, had ever conceived.

* * *

Simon spent the first two days after Magnus’ party in bed, curled on his side, and staring at the string tied on his little finger. Surprisingly, even for him, he didn’t cry. On the third day, he moved to the couch with his favorite fuzzy blanket, and that’s how Clary found him when she entered his apartment with her spare key. She smiled softly at the sight and lifted her arms, showing him the boxes she was carrying with his favorite Chinese restaurant logo on them.

They ate in silence, something Simon appreciated. He knew Clary hadn’t come before just to give him some space and time, and she was doing it again, having him eat something before she tackled the big elephant in the room.

When Simon finished his food and placed the takeout container on the coffee table in front of them, Clary put her legs up on the couch and on Simon’s lap, and she wiggled her socked feet at him. She was wearing the Star Wars socks he had gifted her some years ago, the ones that said: “Best friend in the galaxy” in the classic yellow font. He couldn’t hold back his smile.

“Cheap shot, Fray.” He said because it really was, but she just smiled back.

Clary let the silence stretch over them for a few more seconds before she started talking.

“I’m really sorry, Si.” Her voice was low, soft, but there was no pity in it, and Simon appreciated it.

“It’s okay.” He said, even though it wasn’t, and they both knew it. “It was always an option. Just because I didn’t consider it, doesn’t mean it wasn’t.”

“I know, but still, he could have handled it better.” She muttered, and a frown appeared on her face. “I really wanted to punch him in the face.”

Simon stifled a laugh, and it wasn’t because she wouldn’t be able to kick Jace’s ass. Clary’s appearance was completely deceiving, and she was more than capable of bringing anyone down, even Jace. It was just such a Clary thing to say. She always said she wanted to punch whoever had hurt Simon, and he had to stop her ideas before she could get into trouble. On a couple of occasions, when they were younger, he had to physically drag her away before she started a fight. She was Simon’s knight in shining armor, even after all those years.

“I don’t think Izzy and Magnus would like that.” He offered, and she rolled her eyes.

“They wouldn’t mind.” She said, her lips slightly curving up. “They wanted to punch him themselves, believe me.”

He didn’t know what to say to that, so he just started playing with the thread around his finger, something he had liked to do ever since he was a kid. It was always calming, in a way.

“Look, even if I still think he was a complete jerk to you, and that’s not justifiable in any way...” She started, her tone changing to something more solemn. “Maybe he was just overwhelmed. Not everyone sees soulmates as you do, and for some people, it might be too much, or too soon. Maybe you just need time to get to know each other, without the label of being soulmates pressuring your relationship.”

Simon’s eyes found hers, and she smiled, sincere. He chewed on his lower lip, turning the idea around in his mind. He hadn’t even thought about that.

“Do you mean… Getting to know each other as friends?” he asked, and now that he said it out loud, it made so much sense.

She nodded and extended her hand. Simon took it instantly.

“Maybe his feelings about soulmates are different than yours, but I’m sure if you spend time together as friends, if he gets to know you, not just the idea of a soulmate, he will love you.”

Simon felt a rush of affection towards that wonderful woman he was lucky to call his best friend, and he squeezed her hand. Clary smiled, and she squeezed back.

“So.” She said, her expression turning mischievous. “What you first need to do is to spend time with him.”

“How am I going to do that?” he asked, a bit worried. After all, Jace had been very clear. “He doesn’t want to see me again.”

Clary tutted, holding up a finger and pointing it at him.

“All you need is some common ground to begin with. Izzy and Magnus have invited us to hang out with them, and Jace is going to be there, so you’re going to use that as an excuse.”

It was a pretty good idea, he had to give her that, but Simon had his doubts. She hadn’t seen the look on Jace’s face when he told him he didn’t want anything to do with him.

“But what if he just walks away, or kicks me out?” he said, because he saw it as a very real possibility. “I don’t want to cause you trouble with Izzy or Magnus.”

“He won’t.” she just said, and she looked totally convinced of it. “Izzy said Jace hates drama, and he would never create a scene in front of his siblings. From what I’ve heard from her, Jace is not that bad. She says he’s pretty reasonable. I’m sure it will be fine once you have a chance to explain that you just want to be friends. And then, you’ll be able to spend time together, get to know each other, and he’ll discover all the reasons why you guys are soulmates and belong together.”

Simon’s smile widened as she talked, and he threw himself into her arms. The position was very uncomfortable since her legs were still on his lap, and he was twisted in a heap of blankets, but she still hugged him back, rocking them from side to side.

“Thank you, Fray.” He said, his face buried on the crook of her neck, red hair tickling his nose.

“Always, Lewis.” She answered, patting his head softly. “I decided three days of you moping were enough, and you needed me to save your life, as always.”

One of Simon’s hands sneakily grabbed a pillow from the couch, and he moved back as he threw it into Clary’s face. His wholehearted laughter followed Clary’s indignant scream.

A few days later, Simon was back at Magnus’ and Alec’s apartment, enjoying some amazing coffee Izzy had prepared. According to Magnus, she was the best at making coffee, but a disaster trying to prepare or cook anything else. They had all easily accepted Simon in their little group, even Alec, who barely talked to him and raised his eyebrows at almost anything he said. Magnus, however, seemed to warm up to him faster, beaming at him when he asked about his cats, and Izzy plainly said she already loved him when they met at the door.

They were engrossed in a deep conversation about the fashion choices of Game of Thrones when the door of the apartment opened and Jace walked in. No one else seemed to care, too immersed in their debate, and only Alec lazily waved a hand in his direction. But Simon tensed up immediately, his body reacting on its own without being able to help it. He tried hard not to follow the red string with his eyes, even though he wanted to see it tied around Jace’s finger again, to convince himself that it was real, and it hadn’t been a mistake. He settled for looking at the blond’s expression.

Jace stopped in his tracks when he saw Simon there, but just as Clary had predicted, he just tensed his jaw and glared at him, before sighing and striding to the couch where Alec was sitting with Magnus kind of draped on top of him. Jace sat down on the armrest and pointedly avoided looking at Simon.

Izzy seemed to realize her brother had arrived, and she got up to plant a loud kiss on his cheek. The smile he gave her lit his face in a way Simon didn’t think was possible, and he had to look away to prevent himself from staring and embarrassing himself in front of Jace and basically his entire family. Instead, he watched as Izzy sat back on her seat, sharing a naughty look with Clary before turning to him.

“So, Simon.” She said, her voice sweet and innocent. “What do you do for a living?”

All eyes, except Jace’s, turned to him, and Simon cleared his throat, suddenly nervous at being thrown in the spotlight.

“I’m a songwriter.” He said, his voice kind of shaky. “I write songs for bands and artists, and they perform them.”

Simon had expected their excited reactions because everyone reacted like that when he was asked about his profession. But Jace just looked away, clearly not impressed at all. Simon frowned but tried to focus on Magnus’ and Izzy’s questions.

“Anything we might have heard?” she asked, clearly interested.

“Well…” Simon started, trying to think of what was popular at the moment. “I wrote Mason Myers’ last single, ‘We shall drive’, and Tom Hollandest’s one, ‘Kiss me, bite me’…”

“Oh my god!” exclaimed Izzy, her mouth dropping. “That’s amazing, Simon! They’re everywhere right now, and they’re so good!”

He tried to hide his blush, feeling completely uncomfortable like it always happened when he was being praised in front of others. He liked it, but it was just so embarrassing.

“He also writes lots of stuff for Deaf Butterflies, like half of their last album.” Said Clary, a proud look on her face.

Magnus’ eyes lit up at the name, and he squeezed Alec’s leg, visibly excited.

“Deaf Butterflies!” he exclaimed, clapping his hands together. “I love them! We went to their concert last month with Izzy. It was so good! I have to say I’m impressed, mister Lewis.”

Simon’s cheeks were burning as they continued asking him questions about his songs, but soon he managed to steer the conversation back to fashion, and he excused himself, saying he wanted a drink. He walked into the kitchen and leaned back on the counter, taking off his glasses and rubbing his face with his other hand. It never stopped being overwhelming; that’s why he tended to not talk about it, even though he knew Izzy and Magnus were genuinely excited about his work.

He still had his glasses in one hand when Jace walked into the kitchen and hopped onto the opposite counter, right in front of him. He hurriedly put his glasses back on, gulping.

Jace’s arms crossed over his chest, and Simon started to think that was his standard pose. He stared at him, an inscrutable expression on his face, and Simon felt his cheeks heating up again.

“What are you doing here?” Jace asked, straight to the point.

Of course, Simon thought. He wouldn’t cause a scene in front of his siblings, but he looked like the type to take care of problems straight away. And that was what Simon was for him. Just a problem. Something he didn’t want and wasn’t welcomed in his life.

“Magnus and Izzy invited me.” He cleverly said, and he wanted to hit himself in the face. Of course, Jace hadn’t meant that. It had been more of a ‘Why are you back in my life when I told you I didn’t want you’ type of question, not just what he was physically doing there.

Jace pursed his lips, clearly annoyed. Simon was like ninety-nine percent sure he was internally wondering why his soulmate was such an idiot.

“I didn’t mean that, and you know it.” He said, his eyes icy.

Simon knew, and he nodded, biting down on his already reddened lower lip. He thought back to his conversation with Clary and realized that was it, the moment he had been waiting for. It wouldn’t be better than that, so he had to say what he needed to say.

“Listen, Jace.” He started and held up a hand when Jace tried to argue. “Just… Hear me out, okay? You said what you had to say, but you didn’t let me say what I wanted, so… Please, just hear me out, just this once.”

Jace furrowed his eyebrows, but he didn’t say anything else, so Simon took it as his chance to keep talking.

“I’m not going to lie.” He said, eyes dropping to his hands, to the string tied on his finger. “I’ve always dreamed of my soulmate. I was one of those excited little kids, always imagining their future, their soulmate. And… I never imagined it would be like this.” He paused, lifting his eyes, and Jace looked away. He continued. “It hurt me, it’s true, but then I realized that a soulmate connection can’t be forced. If you don’t want me…” he struggled at that, the words getting caught in his throat. “If you don’t want this… Then it’s just the way it is. I grew up dreaming about a soulmate, and you didn’t, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I am not going to demand anything from you just because of the string that ties us together.”

Jace’s eyes were back on him, but this time, the look he was giving him was different. He was really looking at him, truly contemplating his words.

“I know you don’t even want to see me, but…” he paused, throwing one look at the door. The other’s laughter could be heard in the distance. “Clary really likes your siblings and Magnus, and I do too. They have invited me, and I like spending time with them. I know if I stop coming, Clary will too, and I don’t want that. I know it’s not exactly what you want, but…” his eyes found Jace’s, and he sent him a pleading look. “Can we just… Try to be friends? It’s going to be really uncomfortable for everyone if we keep avoiding each other. We could just… I promise I’m not going to ask anything from you.”

Simon’s knuckles turned white with how strongly he was grabbing the counter behind him. Jace stayed silent, just staring at him, but after a few seconds, he just jumped from the counter and walked over to the freezer. He opened it and got himself a beer. He placed the neck of the bottle on the edge of the countertop and slammed it down with his other hand. The cap popped off immediately, and he turned back to Simon.

“Okay.” He just said, and he walked past him, going back to the living room.

Simon let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, and he looked down at his hand. The red string fell down and disappeared through the open door.

He had meant what he told Jace, he would never pressure him into anything, but at the same time, he couldn’t help the flicker of hope burning inside him. He still wanted them to get to know each other, and maybe… Maybe then Jace would change his mind. Maybe then it would be obvious why they were soulmates, and then Jace would want him back. Maybe it was just a matter of time like Clary had said. Maybe, in the end, they could be more than friends.

He rolled his shoulders back and walked back to the living room. No one seemed to realize he hadn’t gotten his drink, and he just sat down next to Clary. She threw him a curious look, and he subtly nodded. She smiled widely, winking at him, and sat back on her chair, continuing her conversation with Magnus and Izzy like nothing had happened. Jace was back on the armrest, chatting with Alec and sipping his beer, and Simon bit back his smile. He turned his eyes to the others and focused on their conversation. He felt like everything was going to be alright.

* * *

Some weeks came and went by, and Clary and Simon were now a permanent addition to the Lightwood hangouts. They met up regularly at Magnus’ and Alec’s apartment, and they played board games and watched movies together. They also met for coffee, lunch, dinners, and drinks, and Simon liked the feeling of finally belonging somewhere. It was new and exciting, since Clary and he had been on their own most of their life. They had always had each other’s backs, but they never found a group of people they connected with. And these days, Simon always felt really warm and happy whenever he looked around him and saw his friends having fun together.

However, things with Jace weren’t improving at all. They spent time together, but they didn’t interact much with each other. Jace had stopped glaring at him, which Simon considered significant progress, but they barely talked, so they weren’t getting to know each other like he’d wanted.

Simon talked about it with Clary one night on their way to the restaurant where they were all meeting for dinner.

“I don’t know.” He said, hands on the pockets of his jeans. “I feel like we’re not moving forward at all. Well, he looks at me without looking like he wants to kill me, but…”

“Well, I think it’s maybe the time for you guys to start hanging out alone, you know?” she suggested, and Simon snorted.

“Yeah, like that’s going to happen.” He said, slightly pouting. “He barely tolerates me now.”

Clary shook her head, her eyes sparkling with the excitement of a new idea.

“You have to make it subtle.” She explained as she linked their arms together. “You need to make it look like a coincidence, so it’s not completely obvious. That way, you’ll be able to spend time together without Jace being on guard all the time, you know?”

Simon narrowed his eyes, pondering her words.

“You’re a little cunning Slytherin, miss Fray.” He said, and she laughed, throwing her hair back with an exaggerated flourish.

“I won’t confirm nor deny that statement.” She replied, a big smile on her face. “But now we need to think of some way for you to spend more time with Jace.”

Simon nodded and sighed as they turned the corner, and the restaurant came into view. That was easier said than done, but it would have to wait, because their friends were outside the door, waiting for them.

“Finally, guys!” shouted Izzy when she spotted them, waving her hand high in the air. “I’m starving, come on!”

Clary shouted back that she was always hungry, but they rushed anyway. Izzy hugged them both and left a dark red lipstick mark on their cheeks, and Magnus winked at them. Alec just shrugged his shoulders in acknowledgment, and Jace made brief eye contact with Simon before nodding at him and turning back to Alec. Yeah, Simon thought, definitely easier said than done.

Dinner passed quickly, with mainly Izzy, Magnus, and Clary sharing details on their new projects at the company. They enjoyed good food, some drinks, and when dessert was served, they were talking about a new gym that had opened near their office.

“I might try it.” Said Clary, taking a bite of her raspberry cheesecake. “It looks very modern, and I’m thinking of getting a personal trainer.”

Jace perked up at that, his face lighting up like every time they talked about gyms or exercising. He was a personal trainer himself, Simon had learned, and an excellent one at that. He worked in a very exclusive and central gym not far from Alec’s and Magnus’ place, and though he was usually quiet, he clearly loved talking about his job. It made him happy, and it showed.

“It does look great.” Said Izzy, and she turned to Jace, winking at him. “But I’m a very loyal customer of Jace’s gym, I have a gold card membership and everything, so I can’t just betray him with another gym.”

Jace snorted, but he looked at Izzy with a fondness only reserved for her and Alec.

“Do you go there as well, Alec?” asked Clary, but Magnus was the one who answered.

“He hates gyms with a burning passion.” He said, and Alec tried to defend himself, but Magnus continued. “We just have a mini gym at home. I can’t complain, but I feel sad for the rest of the world. They are missing out on sweaty Alec, and that’s a sight to behold.”

Probably a few years back, Alec would have spluttered and blushed furiously at Magnus’ words, like in the stories Izzy loved to tell, but Simon suspected he was just too used to it by now. He just shook his head, lips curving in a little smile, and threw Magnus such a sweet, loving look that Simon had to look away. He tried not to look at Jace, even though it was the only thing he wanted to do, and focused back on the conversation when he heard his name being mentioned.

“Why don’t you go with Simon?” asked Izzy to Clary, and the redhead had the audacity to throw her head back and laugh loudly. Simon just glared at her.

“Yeah, no.” she said, as she pointedly ignored him. “Simon hasn’t worked out in his entire life. It’s like he’s allergic to exercise.”

Simon pursed his lips, totally offended by her blatant betrayal, when he felt Jace’s eyes on him. He didn’t know if it was something reserved to soulmates, a kind of weird connection between them, but he was just very aware of all of Jace’s moves, like when he entered a room, or his eyes turned to him. But as usual, when he looked back at him, Jace looked away. Simon tried not to show how it hurt every single time and instead turned his eyes on Izzy, who was lecturing him about the importance of exercising and staying fit.

“It’s not even about your looks.” She was saying. “It’s important to be healthy and to be active. You can’t live such a sedentary life, Simon, it’s not good for you…”

Simon nodded and let Izzy scold him, and after a while, the conversation moved back to the new gym, and Clary asked Jace a few questions about her workouts.

He was ready to ignore everything Izzy had said to him, but then he had an idea… He could go to Jace’s gym and get him as a personal trainer. He could say he was just motivated after their talk about a healthy lifestyle and act all surprised when Jace showed up, saying he only asked for a personal trainer, but had no idea it was going to be him. It was a little bit risky, but Simon was tired of waiting for Jace to miraculously start liking him. He just needed to subtly ask Izzy about her gym, and then go there and ask for Jace, then act as if he just wanted any trainer.

He felt so excited he was practically buzzing with energy and had to bite on his lower lip to stop from smiling widely. He stayed silent as Jace and Clary talked about the pros and cons of something called high-intensity interval training, and tried to act as if he was listening while his mind was already planning his next steps. He was feeling optimistic. It would totally work out.

It didn’t work out. 

A couple of days after their dinner, he entered Jace’s gym, feeling confident and a bit giddy. He walked straight to the reception desk and, flashing the receptionist what he thought was his most charming smile, told her what he had been rehearsing the last two days and asked her for Jace Lightwood as a personal trainer. The girl flashed him an uncomfortable look and proceeded to inform him that it was not possible since Jace was one of their most requested trainers, and he was fully booked.

Simon gaped at her, at a loss for words. He thought he had everything planned, but he didn’t think of the possibility of Jace not being available or being in such high demand that he wouldn’t have an opening in his schedule.

He must have looked so crushed that the receptionist took pity on him and told him he could just have another trainer, and she assured him they would be as good as Jace. Simon was feeling pretty floored, and he was not good at saying no to people, so he just nodded and said it would be great. It would _not_ , but he couldn’t just tell the lovely girl that. He had spent two days practicing what he would say, and he was so sure it was going to work that he didn’t prepare a plan B in case things went wrong. 

So he ended up with Brad, a freakishly tall and built guy who was all smiles and pleasantries but gave Simon the chills because it just looked so fake. He assured Simon he would turn him into the best version of himself and joked that he only expected his best efforts in return. Simon nodded and tried to look enthusiastic, but he suspected he didn’t fool anyone.

Brad turned out to be Simon’s worst nightmare. All his smiles and encouraging words disappeared when they started his new routine, and he kept asking Simon if that was the best he could do, even when it was obvious it was, and Simon was struggling to breathe and keep his glasses from sliding down his nose from all the sweat.

He tried looking out for Jace in the first couple of minutes to see if he could catch a glimpse of him walking around the gym, but Brad scolded him for it, and by the end of their first session, he completely forgot about his mission. He was drenched, gasping for breath, and physically unable to stand, and Jace disappeared from his mind. By the time he got home, with Brad’s promise of a more intense and challenging session just in a couple of days, he could only think of falling into his bed and sleeping until the next century.

When he walked into Magnus’ and Alec’s place just a few days later, he was so sore he could barely walk. Apparently, Alec was cooking, so everyone was crowded in the kitchen, trying to help. Simon wondered what help could Izzy and Clary possibly offer, but he didn’t think his legs could hold him until dinner was ready, so he just headed straight for the living room.

Simon sat down on the couch with a loud groan and threw his head back in exhaustion. He just had three sessions with Brad, but he was completely drained. Everything hurt, even going to the bathroom, and he had to get a taxi to get there, instead of taking the subway like he usually did. Clary told him it was normal at the beginning, and the pain would eventually fade as he became stronger, but he didn’t believe her. He knew it was still early, but he couldn’t see himself getting better any time soon, and he dreaded his sessions with Brad.

The coffee table in front of him had a jug of water and some sugar cookies Magnus always bought for them, and Simon tried to reach a glass. Tried being the keyword, because he could hardly lift himself before he fell back on the couch, a pitiful whine escaping his lips. He frowned, glaring at the harmless glass with a pout.

A soft chuckle startled him, and he turned his head around to see Jace standing on the threshold, hands on his pockets, and clearly trying to hold in his laughter. Simon flushed, and he didn’t know if it was because he was embarrassed or because it was the first time he had seen Jace’s smile directed at him.

Jace cleared his throat and walked into the room, sitting on the edge of an armchair opposite Simon. He poured himself a glass of water and offered it to Simon, whose cheeks were burning as he accepted it.

“Thank you.” He muttered, looking away.

It was funny how much he had wanted to see Jace smile at him, but the moment he did, he felt like he was physically unable to handle it. His heart was beating so loud he was almost sure Jace was able to hear it, and his face felt so hot even his ears were probably red.

“I’ve heard Brad is kicking your ass.” Said Jace, and Simon’s mouth opened in surprise. Was Jace actually trying to start a conversation with him?

Jace lifted an eyebrow, and Simon realized he needed to answer. He sputtered, trying to find his voice and to not look like a complete idiot.

“How do you know that?” he asked, and he wanted to kick himself in the face. It sounded so defensive, so unlike what he wanted to say, but he said it so he couldn’t take it back.

“I saw you at the gym the other day.” He said, and Simon’s face must have shown how horrified he was at that revelation, because this time, Jace openly laughed.

Simon knew he should probably try to keep a straight face, but he couldn’t control his face when Jace was laughing so freely because of him. He knew he shouldn’t stare like a creep, but when Jace laughed, his eyes scrunched up, and his pointy canines showed, and it was so attractive and endearing at the same time Simon didn’t know what to do with himself.

Jace didn’t seem to notice Simon’s mental breakdown, or he just gracefully ignored it as he continued talking.

“Brad can be very intense, especially if you’re new to exercising.” He said, a smile still on his lips.

Simon wanted to say that intense was a light word for describing Brad, but he didn’t want to look even weaker than he already did in front of Jace, so he just nodded awkwardly.

“You can take a warm bath to relieve your muscles.” He continued, his expression softening. “There’s also a massage service at the gym, so you can book an appointment with them. And if you don’t feel better after a few sessions, just ask Brad to lower the intensity, okay?”

Simon nodded again, a warm and fuzzy feeling suddenly invading him. Is that how you were supposed to feel when you met your soulmate? Was that feeling the one he had heard everyone talk about all his life? Was that the feeling people wrote songs about? Would it make _him_ want to write songs about it?

It was exhilarating but also terrifying. Jace had smiled at him and showed concern for him once, and he was already enamored by it, his chest about to explode. Was it normal for soulmates to feel like this, or was it just Simon, being his overly enthusiastic and open self? Was Jace feeling the same, or was he the only one who felt his world had turned off its axis? Was he going to fall in deep only to end up drowning?

“Jace!” Magnus’ voice was heard from the kitchen. “Bring your ass here. We need some actually skilled hands!”

They could hear Izzy’s offended “hey!” and Jace stood up, throwing Simon an undecipherable look before leaving the room. Simon slumped against the couch, closing his eyes. He placed a hand on his shirt, right above his heart, and willed it to calm down.

It was new, uncharted territory for Simon. No one had made him feel like this with just a smile and a few words, and he wanted to stop himself before it was too late, but he knew he couldn’t. He didn’t know if it was just because Jace was his soulmate, but he somehow knew there was nothing he could do to stop the feeling that was growing in him. It scared him, the sudden certainty of what was going to happen, but it felt inescapable, like it wasn’t even worth trying.

He didn’t know why he felt that way. That was what he always wanted, meeting his soulmate, and falling in love. But now, when Jace had clearly said that he didn’t want him, it was scary, how little did he need to feel this way, how much hope he still had. Was he going to keep falling, while Jace never felt the same way? Or was Jace going to change his mind if he started feeling the same way? Simon felt he was no longer in control of his feelings, and that terrified him.

His eyes found the thread tied around his finger. Was it really unstoppable? Was it really fate?

* * *

Pandemonium was completely packed that Saturday night. It was a pretty famous place, where people sometimes waited in line for hours despite the excessive entrance fee. It wasn’t Simon’s kind of place, so he had never been there before. It wasn’t the first time for Clary, but she was excited because one of Magnus’ friends was the owner, and he got the VIP treatment with a private booth, free drinks, and of course, free access without waiting at all.

The music was extremely loud as they entered, and they were escorted to their booth on the second floor. They had a nice view of the dance floor below them from there, a private space separated from other booths with opaque curtains and completed with luxurious black couches, with a fancy low table to put their drinks on. The music was not as loud, and it was actually possible to have a conversation without screaming into each other’s ears. Clary was practically vibrating with excitement, her eyes wide and constantly looking around, taking in their surroundings with awe. The others were obviously used to the special treatment, and Simon had to admit that it was all very nice.

They even got approached by a waiter, who wrote down their orders and came back surprisingly fast with their drinks. Alec’s beer contrasted with Magnus’ colorful cocktail, that even had a lemon slice and a glittery umbrella. Simon took a sip of his margarita and looked over at Jace, who was nursing what apparently was plain whiskey.

“Come on!” said Izzy after a few minutes. “Let’s go dance!”

Clary cheered loudly, and they stood up, already moving their bodies to the rhythm of the muffled music. Magnus jumped to his feet and pecked Alec on the lips before joining arms with Izzy. To Simon’s surprise, Jace also got up, drowning his drink before putting the empty glass back on the table and joining his sister. Clary extended a hand towards Simon, but he shook his head, smiling. She shrugged, sent him a flying kiss, and followed the rest downstairs.

Simon watched them leave and put his drink down. His eyes met Alec’s, and he suddenly realized they were alone in the booth. It wasn’t like Simon didn’t like Alec... They hadn’t exchanged more than a few words since they met, because, well, Alec was just… Alec. He was all smiles and sunshine when he was with Magnus, his soulmate, or Izzy and Jace, his siblings, but he hadn’t exactly warmed up to Clary and Simon yet. Especially to Simon. He constantly rolled his eyes at him or judged him with a raised eyebrow. Despite Simon’s inability to shut up and his sweet disposition, he felt a little bit intimidated by Alec, and so they kind of avoided being alone just the two of them.

Simon looked away, already feeling extremely uncomfortable with the situation, but knowing there was no other option. The alternative was the crammed dance floor, and there wasn’t a place that could be more repelling to him. Simon was a musician, not a dancer, and he had known that since he was a little kid. His lack of coordination didn’t help the cause.

His eyes found Clary’s shock of red hair on the floor below, and he smiled as he watched her move in sync with Izzy and Magnus. As he stared at them, he noticed Jace was nowhere to be found and looked around the dance floor, but he couldn’t find him. He pushed the disconcerting urge to see Jace dancing to the back of his mind, and he focused on his friends.

For a while, he just watched as they danced. He threw Alec a couple of sneaky glances to find out he was doing the same, smiling softly as he looked at Magnus twirl Izzy around. Simon smiled too as he saw Clary perform a very dramatic body roll. He closed his eyes as he hummed, feeling the music. It wasn’t his favorite genre, but he could appreciate it from time to time.

He was abruptly brought back to reality when he heard Alec snort. He was looking down at the dance floor, and Simon followed his gaze to find Jace near the stairs, his arms around a tall and beautiful brunette. She threw her head back as she laughed, and then leaned over to whisper something in his ear. Jace smiled and pulled her closer, and then he kissed her.

Simon’s heart clenched painfully as he watched his soulmate kiss the girl, hands roaming over her body as she threw her hands around his neck. His breath caught on his throat as what felt like hours but probably were just a few seconds passed, and they finally pulled away. The girl took Jace’s hand and pulled him towards the door, and Jace let himself be dragged by her. In the blink of an eye, they were gone.

“I can’t believe him.” He heard Alec say, and he turned to him. “I bet he just came around for his book club.”

“B-book club?” asked Simon, utterly confused.

Alec just scoffed, shaking his head disapprovingly.

“That’s what he likes to call his little escapades.” He explained, sipping his beer. “He goes out all the time and uses that as an excuse, as if he could fool anyone...”

Suddenly, Alec’s eyes widened as he looked at Simon, and his face visibly paled even under the dim lights. He opened and closed his mouth a couple of times before speaking.

“I- I’m… I’m so sorry, Simon.” He said, looking completely ashamed. “I didn’t… I wasn’t thinking, I just… God, I’m really sorry. That was… I shouldn’t have said that.”

Simon gulped and blinked back his tears.

“Why?” he asked, and Alec had to lean forward to hear him. “It’s the truth, isn’t it? Jace and I… We’re nothing. He can…” he paused. “He can do whatever he wants.”

“Simon…” muttered Alec, and Simon would have given anything to go back to the awkward silence they had before. He thought there would be nothing worse than Alec’s indifference, but it definitely was. He couldn’t stand his pity.

He felt the sudden need to get up and run away, but he didn’t want to think of how that would make him look. They would all look at him like Alec just did, and he couldn’t bear it. He took a big gulp of his margarita, his hands embarrassingly shaky, and leaned back on the couch. He could feel Alec’s eyes on him, but he ignored it, taking out his phone instead. He blankly stared at the screen and told himself to wait just one hour. Just another hour and he would leave, and he wouldn’t look so pitiful, so broken. Just one more hour.

Simon managed to put on a smile as Clary, Izzy, and Magnus returned to the booth. He purposely looked away when Izzy asked where Jace was and listened as Clary told him how she almost fell on her face, and Magnus tried to help her, and they both struggled and nearly went down. He even ordered another drink and took his sweet time finishing it, laughing when Clary and Izzy recreated their best moves. Alec’s eyes were on him, but he acted as if he didn’t notice it, and he engaged in a pop music discussion with Magnus.

After the hour mark passed, he made up an excuse of being tired and having a new song to work on the next day, and he said his goodbyes. Izzy tried to convince him to stay a little bit longer, but he promised he would let her listen to the new song for Pointless Heart, and she immediately waved him goodbye. He kissed Clary on the cheek and smiled at Magnus, avoiding Alec’s eyes, and he walked down the stairs. The dance floor was still completely packed, so it took him some time to finally reach the door.

As he walked into the crisp night air, he shuddered, his body used to the hot spell of the club. He took in a deep breath and turned around to enjoy a quiet walk back home when he saw Jace coming back.

Their eyes met, and Jace stopped in his tracks. It was dark outside, but Simon noticed the telltale signs of what had happened with the brunette. Jace’s hair was tousled, and Simon could picture the girl running her hands through it. His lips were red and swollen, his shirt crumpled and buttoned the wrong way, but the worst was the dark marks littering his neck, disappearing under the collar.

Simon’s eyes went back to Jace’s, and he saw the baffled expression morphing into something else, bold and defensive. He looked at Simon as if he dared him to comment on it, to voice his feelings, or complain about it. His eyes were intense, even wary, and so Simon did the only thing he could do.

“Goodnight, Jace.” He said, barely audible, and smiled softly.

It was forced and unnatural, but he didn’t stay to see Jace’s reaction. He just put his hands on his pockets and walked past him, head held high. The tears started falling, but he waited until he rounded the corner to hastily wipe them off.

He kept walking, shivering, and he kept wiping off his tears with the back of his hands. He held in the sobs that were tightening his throat. He refused to be one of those pitiful souls who cried on the street. The tears kept coming, but he was more stubborn than them.

By the time he got back to his place, his eyes were dry.

* * *

The next few times they saw each other, things were tense and uncomfortable. Everyone noticed, but they acted as if nothing happened. Alec was still treading carefully around Simon, as if he could break him by saying something wrong, and Simon hated it. He didn’t want to be treated differently just because of his feelings, because he was not a delicate thing that had to be protected. Simon just hated the special treatment, the cautious looks exchanged when they thought he wasn’t looking.

When he was in school, he had always respected people who treated him the same way after his father died. Even the ones who hated him and called him names, Simon appreciated more than those who started treating him differently, suddenly caring about him and being incredibly fake about it. He never told anyone that, because they would take it the wrong way and think he liked being hated on, but it wasn’t about that. He also appreciated the ones who kept ignoring him, instead of trying to act nice and start a conversation out of the blue. He appreciated the consistency, the fact they didn’t treat him in a different way just because a part of him had changed, because it was only that, a small part. He was still the same Simon.

He tried to act normally, and if he was writing only sad songs, well, no one had to know. He was good at that, pouring all his feelings and sorrows into his songs, and leaving them at home, on paper. Then he went out to meet his friends and put on his usual smile. He didn’t know if he was as convincing as he would like to be, but he still tried, because it made him feel better. It made him feel stronger, even if it was just a façade.

“Hey, Simon!”

When he entered Alec and Magnus’ apartment a couple of weeks later, he immediately realized something was missing. He quickly realized it was someone missing, and he hated himself for noticing it so fast.

Whenever he walked into a room, his body seemed to be drawn entirely to Jace. His eyes always found him first, no matter how many people were there, and he noticed every single movement he made. When Jace was not there, it was so painfully obvious, and he always felt strangely disappointed, even if Jace barely looked at him or talked to him. He didn’t know if it was a soulmates thing, or if it only happened because of his stupid infatuation, but he always hated it because he was sure it didn’t happen to Jace.

He waved back at Izzy, a hesitant smile the best he could manage. He sat down next to Clary, who bumped his shoulder affectionately. The boxes of takeout food were already on the coffee table, and as soon as Simon settled on the couch, they started dividing them up. Simon tried not to think about why Jace wasn’t there and started eating without saying anything. When Magnus passed Clary the box with dumplings, she looked around and frowned.

“Where’s Jace?” she asked, and of course, she only realized he wasn’t there because dumplings were his favorites.

Simon toyed with his chopsticks, eyes intently focused on his noodles. To him, Jace’s absence was suffocating, and it was almost humiliating.

“He’s not feeling well.” Said Izzy. “He doesn’t get sick often, so he doesn’t know how to take care of himself. He doesn’t like having people taking care of him either, so Alec and I try to leave him alone after last time.”

“Last time?” asked Clary and Magnus scoffed.

“Alec and I went to check on him and tried to make him eat something, and he threw his slippers at us.” He said, a big smile on his face as Alec shook his head. “He’s the worst patient ever. Now we just text him to check he’s alive.”

Clary laughed, and Simon half-listened as Izzy kept on telling stories of sick Jace back from when they were little. He chewed on his lip as he played with a noodle, picking it up and dropping it back into the box. The thing about Simon was he was a nurturer. He worried deeply about others and liked to take care of them. He would fret over any of his friends, even Alec, because that’s just what he did. He had always taken care of his sister Rebecca when she got sick, even though she was older than him, and sneaked into Clary’s room when she had a fever just to bring her the juice she liked and a mixtape with her favorite songs to cheer her up.

Simon would worry about any of them, but he kind of knew it was different with Jace. He hadn’t felt like eating since he saw he wasn’t there, and his eyes fell on the red string around his finger. Something called to him, a need to take care of Jace, to make sure he was okay. It was a familiar sensation, since he was used to caring for others, but it was more intense because this wasn’t just anyone. It was his soulmate. And even if Jace didn’t want him, Simon needed to do something, to take care of Jace. Or at least try to.

When Izzy went to the kitchen to fetch more drinks, Simon quietly followed her. She was opening a couple of beers when he walked in and smiled brightly at him.

“Do you want one?” she offered, and he shook his head.

“Can I ask you for a favor?” he asked, and she lifted her eyebrows, interested.

It was embarrassing, and he felt uncomfortable just by asking her, but the alternative was Alec, and that was not going to happen.

“Sure, what do you need?” she sounded intrigued, but her warm eyes and pleasant smile soothed Simon’s nerves.

“I need Jace’s address.” He said, biting down on his lip hard.

Izzy’s eyes twinkled.

Simon stood outside Jace’s door for ten minutes before he gained the courage to knock. The possibility of having a slipper being thrown at his face haunted him, but he was already there, a thermos with hot soup he cooked himself on his bag, so there was no going back. He pumped his fists and took a deep breath, and he knocked on the door.

He waited for a couple of minutes, but when nothing happened, he knocked again. He waited, and he was about to knock for the third time when the door opened, and Jace appeared behind it. Simon just stared at him, his hand still in the air, and his cheeks turned red as he dropped it.

Jace looked terrible. It wasn’t that he was always perfectly put together, because Simon had seen him sweaty after the gym, fresh after a shower, and disheveled after making out with a girl outside of the club, but Jace always had an air of confidence and defiance around him, no matter the situation. He was always prepared, always guarded, but not at that moment. His hair was a tangled mess, his eyes were bloodshot, his nose red, and his lips cracked and dry. He had a big blanket wrapped around himself, and he was visibly shivering. Simon’s heart dropped at the sight of him.

“Hey.” He said eloquently. “Can I come in?”

For a few seconds, Simon feared Jace would slam the door on his face, because he just stared at him, inexpressive, but then he moved aside, and Simon let out a relieved breath. He walked into the apartment, and Jace closed the door behind them.

Jace’s apartment was not as big as Alec and Magnus’, but it was definitely bigger than Simon’s. It was pretty minimalistic, white and modern, and it looked the complete opposite of what his place looked like. Simon’s apartment was warm and lived in, with clutter on every surface and little trinkets he had collected over the years. He had plants on every room, colorful pillows on the couch, and tons of pictures in disparate frames. It reflected Simon’s personality, the things he loved, the way he lived. Jace’s was… Bare. It looked like it was taken out of a magazine, and there were no signs of Jace. Besides a photo of Izzy, Alec, and Magnus on a side table next to the couch, there were no other personal things in sight. Nothing spoke of what Jace liked, or what he did with his life. It was kind of like a nice hotel room.

Simon put his bag down on the counter of the open kitchen. When he turned around, Jace was already on the couch, snuggled in his blanket, and blowing his nose on a paper tissue. He looked at Simon, sniffing, and Simon realized Jace was feeling pretty sick, because he didn’t have that daring look on his face. His posture wasn’t defensive, and he looked ready to fall asleep right there.

He smiled and took his thermos out of the bag.

“I made you soup.” He said, showing it to Jace. “Can I use your microwave to heat it?”

Jace shrugged and closed his eyes, resting his head back on a pillow, and Simon’s heart warmed at the sight. This unguarded version of Jace was something new, and he was finally seeing his human and vulnerable side. It was like seeing a different person.

Simon took the liberty to heat the soup in the microwave and serve it in a bowl. He rummaged the cabinets until he found a spoon, a glass, and a big tray. He filled the glass with water and got some medicine from his bag, putting everything on the tray. He walked to the couch and set the tray on the coffee table.

“Jace.” He said softly. “Here’s the soup, you should eat it now that it’s warm.”

Jace’s eyes opened slowly, and he stared at Simon before looking at the tray. The smell of the soup was lifting through the air, and he sat up slowly. Simon pulled the coffee table closer so he could lean over and eat, and Jace grabbed the spoon. He didn’t want to hover over him, so he got up and went back to the kitchen. He put the rest of the soup in a couple of plastic containers he found on a cabinet and stored them in the refrigerator. He took his sweet time washing his thermos and placing it back on his bag, and by the time he sat down on the couch, Jace was leaning back on the pillow, the bowl empty.

He bit his lip to keep from smiling and looked at the tray. The pills were still there, and Jace covered a cough with his hand. Before he could stop himself, Simon raised a hand and placed it on Jace’s forehead. Jace opened his eyes, and they stared at each other. Simon blushed, but he didn’t move his hand, and Jace didn’t push him away. His face was too warm, and Simon frowned.

“You have a fever.” He said, voice low and airy. “You should take the pills. They will help you feel better.”

Jace’s eyes were on his, and it was like he was looking at Simon for the first time. He wasn’t glaring, or hiding. He was just staring, and Simon felt, for the first in time in Jace’s presence, bold. His hand moved from Jace’s forehead to his cheek, and he caressed it softly. Jace’s eyes closed, and he nuzzled his hand, almost imperceptibly, and Simon’s heart was about to jump out of his chest. 

They were so close, and Jace was so pliant… It would be easy, he knew it, but it wouldn’t be right, because Jace was burning up, so he sighed and dropped his hand. Jace’s eyes opened slowly, drowsy, and Simon smiled. He handed Jace the pills and the glass of water and felt relieved when he took them.

Simon took everything back to the kitchen and washed it. Back in the living room, he put a fresh glass of water on the coffee table and left more pills next to it. He grabbed a blanket that was haphazardly thrown in the armrest and covered Jace properly with it. Jace’s eyes were dropping, so he squatted next to him and squeezed his arm gently.

“There’s more soup in the refrigerator.” He whispered. “Take your pills every eight hours until your fever is gone and you feel better, okay?”

Jace didn’t reply, but he nodded and closed his eyes. Simon stood up, his body aching at the thought of leaving him there, but he already did what he needed to do. Jace didn’t like to be smothered, and he didn’t want to overstay his welcome, so with a heavy heart, he took his bag and, giving one last glance to Jace’s sleeping form, he left the apartment.

As he walked home, he felt like something had changed. He was worried, and a part of him just wanted to go back and nurse Jace back to health, but another part of him was happy because Jace had let him take care of him. It was like he took a step forward, and Jace didn’t step back. The smile didn’t leave his face for days.

The next time they saw each other, Jace looked healthy and back to his usual self. He waved at him, beaming, but his face fell when Jace looked away. Simon wasn’t expecting Jace to suddenly change, but the way he ignored him throughout the whole dinner and avoided his eyes made his heart clench painfully.

When they stepped into the street, Clary and Izzy shared a taxi and waved them goodbye. Simon turned to leave, but Jace stood in front of him. His heart throbbed.

“Thank you.” Said Jace, not meeting his eyes, and he walked away.

Simon watched him leave, and suddenly felt like they were father than ever. 

* * *

From time to time, Simon liked to perform his songs out in the world. No one besides his closest friends knew that they were really his, but it still was special for him. It had been a few months since his last gig, and Simon was excited to be back on stage.

He and Clary had a tradition where she always helped him load up the instruments on his van before every gig, and for twelve years, she didn’t miss it once. Simon’s van had been a great idea when they were teenagers and used it daily because driving was new and cool. Clary had spray-painted it with vivid colors and some of her designs, and he loved it. As the years went by, it became impractical with New York’s traffic, but even though he rarely used it, Simon found himself unable to get rid of it. Instead, he rented an underground parking spot near his place and only took it out a handful of times a year to bring his instruments to the bar, because it was tradition. 

Usually, Clary was the only one he invited to his gigs because she had been there from the start, and her presence soothed his unavoidable nerves. This time though, she had asked if they could invite the rest of their little group, and Simon said yes. It was new to consider himself part of a group, but they spent almost all their free time together, and there was no denying it felt good the way they were slowly becoming his new chosen family, one he never thought would extend past Clary. He never thought they would fit the way they did, but something about their weird dynamic just worked. And it made him happy.

Having their friends coming to the gig meant Jace was going to be there too, and that made Simon extremely nervous. Jace had never heard him playing or singing before, and he was typically uninterested when he talked about his music. Even Alec, who didn’t seem to like Simon in general and music in particular, paid attention to his stories and didn’t look away like Jace did. It wasn’t like Simon wanted to impress Jace, but music was a big part of him, the way he moved through life, and even if Jace didn’t want him romantically, he still wanted his soulmate to recognize and appreciate that part of him. The thought of Jace’s eyes on him as he played turned his stomach into knots, but also excited him.

When he and Clary parked the van on the back alley behind the bar, Izzy texted him, saying they were already inside. Clary helped him carry his instruments to the small stage in the corner, and then Simon greeted Mr. Rodman, the owner of the bar, who had been getting Simon his gigs for the last five years. The bar was pretty full, but he still had an hour to go.

The moment he spotted his friends sitting at a table near the stage, he realized Jace wasn’t there. His eyes always seemed to find him first, and whenever he was absent, it was the first thing Simon noticed. He tried to swallow down his disappointment, putting in a hopefully convincing smile as he reached the group.

“Here comes the star!” said Izzy, and she moved closer to Clary, making space for Simon to sit next to her.

Simon laughed as he joined them, and Magnus and Izzy started asking questions about his performance. No one mentioned Jace, and he didn’t ask. Despite feeling dejected, he tried his best to feed on their excitement, and he even teased them playfully when he refused to reveal his setlist. The truth was he had a couple of surprises for Magnus and Izzy, so he didn’t want to say too much. 

Time passed quickly while he was having fun, and in no time, Simon found himself waving to his friends and getting on stage. Clary and Izzy hooted loudly, and Magnus and Alec joined the rest of the audience as they clapped. Simon sat down on the wooden chair and picked up his guitar. He adjusted the microphone and took a deep breath. The lights dimmed, a spotlight focused on him as he closed his eyes, and his fingers started moving.

The first notes of the song filled the bar, and he smiled. His body started moving to the rhythm of the music, and he started singing. As it always happened, the rest of the world disappeared. The only thing that existed was the melodies and words he came up with, that started as something intimate and personal and now were out into the world. It was like magic, how the experiences and feelings he one day wrote down in the middle of the night became something people sang and danced to, something that people laughed and cried to, the soundtrack of other people’s lives.

Being on stage was addicting, and that’s why Simon avoided it. For all the highs and blinding lights, there were also the nerves, the pressure, the expectations. That was why he was a songwriter instead of a singer. He realized that if he chose the stage, it would become a chore, something he would eventually stop enjoying because of the strain and the restrictions. Instead, he limited it to a few times a year, and he enjoyed every time as if it was the first and the last.

It quickly became the turn for Izzy’s surprise. She was in love with one of his newest songs, which was currently a popular single, so he had prepared a different version just for her. He usually didn’t make eye contact during his performances because he’d become too absorbed in the music, but he liked to see people’s faces when they heard a song they really liked. He always had at least one song arranged especially for Clary, and he always looked at her when he played it. The way she smiled and her eyes shined was one of his favorite things about his gigs.

He glanced at his friends’ table, but Izzy wasn’t here, so he searched for her dark, long hair in the small crowd and found her at the bar, getting a drink. He started playing, eyes on her, and she abruptly turned around when she realized it was her favorite. Her eyes lit up, and a beautiful, full smile appeared on her face. Simon winked, and she laughed as she started clapping. The rest of the audience quickly followed, clearly anticipating the popular song. Simon closed his eyes when he began to sing.

A few seconds later, he opened them again, wanting to see the look on Izzy’s face, but saw that she wasn’t looking at him. A tall guy was leaning over the counter towards her, a cocky smile and relaxed posture. He tilted his head, raising his eyebrows suggestively, but her gaze turned icy as she said something to him. The guy didn’t seem to get the hint, because he laughed and moved closer. Izzy moved back, her lips pursing, and anyone could see she was done with the conversation, but apparently, the guy didn’t notice or just didn’t care, because he reached over and grabbed her hand. Izzy tried to pull it back, but he grabbed her harder, and Izzy winced.

Simon didn’t even think. He set his guitar on the floor and jumped from the stage, walking briskly towards the bar. People moved to make way for him, obviously surprised at the sudden end of his performance. In seconds he was next to Izzy, and he pushed the guy’s hand away.

“Don’t touch her.” He said, as gruffly as he could.

The guy scoffed, giving him a once-over. He was taller than Simon and visibly stronger.

“Get lost, nerd.” He laughed, sneering at him, and he looked back to Izzy. He grabbed her wrist and pulled her towards him with force. Simon stood in front of Izzy and pushed the guy away, shoving at his chest.

“Don’t touch her!” he repeated, gritting his teeth.

The guy’s eyes widened, and he just stared at Simon, like he couldn’t believe what had just happened. For a moment, Simon thought it was over, that the guy would go away.

But then, the guy moved forward and punched Simon square in the mouth.

Simon fell back, crashing into a table and bringing it to the floor with him. People screamed as they jumped out of the way, and he brought a hand to his face, overwhelmed by the sudden pain. Izzy cried his name and kneeled next to him, and in a moment, Clary was there too, covering her mouth with her hands. Simon’s glasses had fallen off by the force of the blow, so he could only see the blurry shapes of Alec and Magnus rushing to his side too.

“Oh my god, Simon, are you okay?” asked Izzy, worry dripping from her voice.

He tried to speak, but then he felt a metallic taste in his mouth, and when he pulled away his hand, it came out covered in blood. He groaned as he heard Clary gasp and Magnus curse under his breath. If he looked half as bad as he felt, then their reactions were understandable.

Suddenly, someone stood in front of Simon, and he looked up to see Jace’s blurry figure. Simon thought he had hit his head in the fall, because why was Jace there? But then, Jace spoke, and Simon realized he was actually there. And he was furious.

“What the hell is your problem?” he shouted at the guy, his voice filled with rage.

The guy, seemingly not satisfied with the scene he had caused, puffed out his chest and stared down at Jace.

“Why do you care? Did I hurt your pathetic little boyfriend?”

He couldn’t even finish the sentence before Jace’s fist hit his nose. There was a collective gasp in the bar as the guy fell back, covering his nose. The owner, Mr. Rodman, came running towards them, looking scandalized.

“What is going on here?” he yelled, and then he noticed Simon lying on the floor. “Simon! What happened to you?”

The guy stood up, blood trickling down his nose under his hand, and he pointed at Jace.

“He just broke my nose!”

Jace tried to move towards him, but Alec held him back.

“He punched Simon in the face!” said Jace, looking murderous. “He was trying to defend my sister against this scumbag, and he just hit him!”

The guy made an indignant sound, looking back at the owner.

“That’s not true! He shoved me!” he said, and Alec had to tighten his grip on Jace.

Mr. Rodman looked at the guy, his expression turning severe.

“I’ve known Simon for years, and he would never start a fight with someone.” He said. “I don’t know you, and you come into my bar and try to harass a girl? And then start punching people? Get out of here this second, and don’t ever come back.”

The guy tried to argue back, but a couple of bartenders stood in his way and started pushing him towards the door. He yelled at them and cursed them out, but they didn’t back down, so he eventually was led out of the bar. Mr. Rodman disappeared behind the counter and came back with a wet towel he gave to Clary.

“I’m sorry, Simon, come on, sit on the staff room for a bit.” He said, and he pointed at a discreet door next to the bar.

Clary and Izzy helped him back on his feet, and he held on their arms, feeling dizzy. Mr. Rodman opened the door to the room, and the girls carefully helped him inside. The guys followed them, and Simon grunted as they sat him down into a couch. Clary sat down next to him and started cleaning the blood off his face with the towel. He winced, and she grimaced but kept going.

“I’ll bring you some ice for that.” Said Mrs. Rodman, and he closed the door behind him.

Izzy pulled one of Simon’s hands between hers and squeezed softly.

“I’m so sorry, Simon.” She said, and he had never seen such a worried and sad expression on her face. It felt wrong on Izzy.

“It’s okay.” He answered, but she shook her head, frowning.

“What she means is that she could have kicked his ass without anyone getting hurt.” Said Alec and Simon startled. He had almost forgotten he was also there.

He looked at Izzy, confused, and she offered him a guilty smile.

“I’m a black belt in judo.” She said, and of course, Simon thought. She had mentioned a couple of times that she had practiced martial arts since she was little, and she trained at Jace’s gym regularly. “I was trying to get him off without hurting him. That’s always my last resort.”

Simon sighed, feeling even worse. Izzy was definitely able to take care of herself, and he had just made a fool of himself by trying to defend her and getting knocked out in return. Izzy patted his shoulder with her other hand.

“But I’m so thankful, Simon.” She added, an honest smile adorning her lips. “You didn’t think twice about it. You just protected me. You are so brave and a really good friend.”

Simon squeezed back her hand, and Mr. Rodman entered the room with an icepack wrapped in a towel. Simon took it gratefully and pressed it against the side of his mouth. He flinched, but slowly pressed it back.

“I’m sorry this happened, Simon.” He said, looking concerned.

Simon tried to say he was okay, but Mr. Rodman raised a hand to stop him.

“I’ll make sure nothing like this happens again. Rest here as long as you need.”

He left the room, and Simon slumped into the couch. He couldn’t believe he just had been punched in the face, him, the guy who never got into trouble as a teenager, who had never been in a fight in his life. His eyes suddenly widened.

“Oh god, does this count as a fight?” he asked, in awe. “Can I say that I’ve been in a fight now?”

Alec scoffed, and Izzy shot him a warning look.

“What?” he asked, eyebrows shooting up. “He’s fine. He’s being ridiculous, as always.”

“Alec!” Izzy scolded him, and Magnus punched him softly on the chest. Alec just shrugged.

Simon ignored them. The pain was getting worse, and he didn’t want to see what his face looked like. His mouth tasted like blood, and his lip was swelling.

“I didn’t think being punched would hurt this much.” He said, eyes closing. He felt suddenly tired.

“He got the corner of your mouth.” He heard Jace’s voice say, and he sat up with a jolt. God, he had entirely forgotten about Jace. He was standing against the wall, arms crossed over his chest, and his face contorted in an expression too serious even for him. “You have a split lip, and your jaw is going to bruise.”

Simon just stared, strangely unable to find any words. Jace was there, blurry but there. He had come to his gig, he had defended him, and he had punched the guy who had punched him. The situation was so surreal Simon would have thought he was dreaming, if not for the very real pain on his face. Jace stared back, and it was so intense Simon had to look away. He rubbed his eyes, his vision getting tired the more he spent without his glasses.

“Oh, Simon, here.” Said Magnus, as if he suddenly remembered. He offered him his glasses, and he sighed in relief when he put them back on. The world came back into focus, and his eyes instinctively moved to Jace. He was still looking at him, unblinking. Simon flushed.

Clary’s face appeared before him, and she placed a hand on the uninjured side of his face, her eyebrows furrowed.

“You should go home.” She said, her eyes fixed on his injuries. “You need to rest.”

Simon didn’t try to argue. There was nothing he wanted at that moment more than to take some painkillers and fall into bed. The side of his face was throbbing, and he felt drained. He was so high from all the nerves and the anticipation, the crash was hitting him hard.

“Let me call a taxi.” Said Izzy, taking out her phone.

“I’ll give him a ride.” All eyes turned to Jace as he spoke. “I came with my bike. I have an extra helmet.”

He looked at Simon, and it seemed like he was daring him to refuse, but he just nodded, perplexed. Then he thought of his van, and his instruments still on stage.

“What about my van?” he asked, looking at Clary. “I need to load everything, and…”

“I’ll take care of it.” Said Clary, smiling. “The others will help me with the instruments, and I’ll park it for you. Give me the keys.”

Simon took the keys out of his pocket and handed them to Clary. She gave him a tight hug and winked as she let him go.

“Call me tomorrow, okay?” she pointed a finger at him, and he just smiled. He always did.

Izzy also squeezed him before planting a loud kiss on his good cheek, and she pouted. She apologized once again and made him promise her he would rest and treat his lip with some ointment. Magnus patted his back and wished him a speedy recovery, and Alec just nodded at him uncomfortably. Simon knew he was looking at him differently because he had just got hurt trying to protect his sister, but he also knew Alec wasn’t going to say it out loud anytime soon, so he nodded back and waved.

Simon found Mr. Rodman behind the counter, and the man apologized profusely again. He tried to stop him, but he just kept going until he made sure Simon was okay and told him he would call him in a few days to make sure he was doing better. Simon returned the icepack, and Jace put a hand on his lower back to guide him through the crowd.

When they finally left the bar, Jace dropped his hand as he moved to his bike, and Simon felt like he could breathe again. That was the first time Jace had initiated physical contact with him, and the gesture was so intimate and protective it was overwhelming.

Jace, who Simon just then realized, was wearing a very fitting black leather jacket, took a helmet from his bike’s compartment, and offered it to Simon. It was bright pink and sparkly, and Simon looked at Jace incredulously. Jace just laughed.

“It’s a present from Izzy and Magnus.” He explained, amused. “They are the ones who usually wear it, so… They got me this one.”

Simon took it, but he had never worn a helmet in his life, so he didn’t exactly know how to put it on. Before he could worry about it, Jace put on his black helmet and took it back in his hands.

“Take your glasses off.” He said, and Simon did.

Jace placed the helmet on top of his head and slowly pushed it down. Simon realized he was being extra careful because of his bruised mouth, and his heart hammered against his chest. His face felt impossibly hot as Jace tied the helmet securely, and then lifted his visor, took the glasses from Simon’s hands, and helped him put them back on. Simon was thankful for the cover the helmet offered because he knew he was blushing up to the tips of his ears. Jace lowered his visor and stepped back. 

“All set.” Said Jace, his voice muffled by their helmets, but Simon could see the smile in the way his eyes crinkled.

He mounted his bike and looked at Simon, pointing to the space behind him with his head. Simon had never ridden a motorcycle, so he also didn’t know how to get on one, but he hoisted himself up one leg and held on to Jace’s shoulder as he lifted the other leg and sat down. He cleared his throat, his hands gripping on to the seat, but Jace grabbed them and placed them around his waist.

“Hold on tight.” He said as he turned on the engine with a reverberating sound.

The bike started moving, and Simon involuntarily tensed, tightening his grip on Jace. He paused, thinking that maybe he bothered him by holding on too tight, but Jace continued driving, slowly speeding up.

It didn’t look like a windy night when they stood outside the bar, but on the bike, Simon felt like his head was being continuously shoved backward. He doubted for a total of five seconds before he moved closer to Jace, resting the top of the helmet on his back. The wind was ringing in his ears, and Jace’s body was big and warm against the cold. Simon closed his eyes.

The ride seemed extremely short to Simon. In no time, they were slowing down in front of Simon’s apartment block. He didn’t know Jace knew where he lived, but he realized he mentioned it a couple of times in the past. He was surprised that Jace remembered.

When the engine stopped, Simon wasn’t ready to let go. He didn’t want the moment to end, but Jace started moving, and Simon pulled away. He got down with a little jump, and Jace followed. He parked the bike properly and took his helmet off, leaving it on top of the seat. He ran a hand through his hair to put it back into place. He was a vision, his blond hair and bright eyes against the black leather, and Simon looked away. Jace lifted his visor and gestured for Simon to take off his glasses again. Once they were off, he unfastened his helmet and lifted it slowly.

Simon put his glasses back and found Jace trying to hold in his smile. Oh, right. His hair was naturally a mess of curls, but the helmet must have done wonders to it. He tried to flatten it out as Jace put away the helmets. When he turned back around, Simon dropped his hand.

“Thank you for bringing me home.” He said, but Jace just raised an eyebrow.

“I’m not leaving yet.” He replied, and he started walking towards his building. “Come on.”

Simon followed him, baffled. Why was Jace coming up to his place? Did he want to make sure that Simon was safe before leaving? He wasn’t sure of what was going on, and why Jace was acting that way. It was confusing and bewildering, but the truth was that he liked it. He couldn’t even try to deny it.

The elevator ride was silent, and Simon kept trying to bite on his lower lip, a nervous habit, only to realize he had split it, so he played with his fingers instead. Anything to keep his eyes off of Jace.

When they entered his apartment, and he turned on the lights, the difference between Jace’s place and his felt abysmal. Jace’s apartment had been neat and organized, and his was clean and not a complete disaster, but it was messy. The coffee table was full of balled up papers with rejected lyrics, his guitar was lying precariously on his couch, and there were a couple of notebooks opened on the floor, in the middle of the room. That was the result of his last creative process the day before, and he cursed himself inwardly for not tidying things up before hed’ left.

“Let me get you some ice, come on, just sit on the couch while I get it.” Said Jace, and he helped Simon to it and then left for the kitchen.

Simon’s apartment was small, so the kitchen and the living room were a single area, with a small table acting as a divider. Simon watched as Jace rummaged around his freezer and told him were his kitchen towels were. Jace came back to the couch with an icepack wrapped in a towel, and he gave it to him.

Simon pressed it against the corner of his mouth.

“Thank you, Jace.” He said. “For defending me, and bringing me home. And for bringing me ice!” he added, trying to lighten up the mood.

Jace’s face remained serious as he looked at him.

“I’m the one who has to thank you.” He said, and his eyes were sincere. “For protecting Izzy.”

“I thought you wouldn’t come.” Simon couldn’t help to say.

“I got caught up by a client at the gym.” He explained. “I got to see one song before…”

Simon let out a self-deprecating laugh.

“Before I made a fool of myself in front of everyone?” he asked, and Jace shook his head.

“You didn’t even hesitate.” He said, a little smile appearing on his lips. “You just tried to protect her, without even thinking about it.”

“Yeah, well, Izzy didn’t exactly need protection.” He mumbled, looking down.

Jace’s fingers lifted his chin, and Simon’s surprised eyes met his mismatched ones.

“It doesn’t matter if she needed it or not.” He said, his voice soft. “You saw that someone was bothering your friend, and you tried your best to help. You’re a good person, Simon. A loyal friend.”

Simon felt like he couldn’t stop himself when he was looking into those eyes. He couldn’t stop talking, and he couldn’t lie.

“I just feel like an idiot with a busted lip.” He admitted.

Jace’s eyes dropped to his mouth, and Simon’s breath hitched. Jace’s hand carefully moved from his chin to his bruised jaw. His touch was featherlike, and it made him shiver.

He didn’t know if it was Jace or him, but they were closer, and Simon thought of the same scene, only the other way around, in Jace’s apartment. He had held his face and felt a pull towards him. He didn’t know if it was the string connecting them, but he was like a moth to a flame.

Jace’s thumb moved to the cut on his lip, and he touched it gently. Simon winced, and it was like Jace woke up from a dream. He blinked, eyes wide, and he pulled his hand back. Simon moved forward, trying to follow it, but Jace cleared his throat and stood up. Simon looked up at him, not understanding what had just happened.

“I... I should go.” Said Jace, and he didn’t look at Simon. “Take care of yourself.”

And he left without looking back.

Simon sat on the couch, the icepack in his hands, as he stared at the door. It felt like so much had happened in just one night, it was hard to process it all.

He wondered if Jace felt the same way he did when he went to his apartment. He had been ready to risk it all because it would have been so easy… But Jace wasn’t feeling well, wasn’t being himself, and Simon didn’t want it to be that way. Did Jace think about that too? Did he pull away because Simon was hurt, and it wasn’t the right moment? Or did he just not want to do it at all?

It was confusing. Jace had been so sweet, so caring. He had defended him, had looked furious when Simon had been punched. He had taken him home, made sure he was safe, and stayed with him, praising him and saying ‘thank you’… He had never done that before. They had been so close, and not only physically. Jace had leaned in, had touched him so gently, had looked at him and then at his lips… Did he only see what he wanted to see? Jace said he didn’t want him, but then he acted like he did.

Simon laid down on his couch, pressing the icepack against his mouth. He closed his eyes, but all he could see was Jace. His eyes, his smile, the way he looked at him. He sighed.

He couldn’t lie to himself anymore. He was in too deep.

* * *

Simon walked into Magnus’ and Alec’s apartment just a few days later. They had ordered their usual takeout, and he hadn’t seen them, except for Clary, since the bar incident. She came over the next morning, fussing over him like she was his mother.

As soon as he stepped into the living room, Jace’s eyes met his. The instant connection left Simon breathless, and he quickly looked away, greeting the rest with a wave and a small smile. Izzy wrapped him in a tight hug, and then squeezed his cheeks together as she examined his wound. Embarrassed, Simon managed to escape to the couch thanks to Magnus, who provided a distraction as he winked an eye at him.

Simon took one of the containers, and he was opening a pair of chopsticks when Jace sat down next to him on the couch, casually grabbing the box with his dumplings. Simon stared at him with wide eyes, and Jace looked back at him like it was normal.

“How’s your lip?” he asked, and Simon’s mind went back to that night in his apartment, Jace’s thumb brushing over it. He felt his cheeks warming up.

“Good, great!” he stammered nervously. “Almost healed.”

Jace nodded, and Simon focused on his food. The noodles looked amazing, as always, but sitting so close to Jace was something new, and it was making his stomach curl with anticipation.

“So, are you going to play for us sometime, Simon?” asked Magnus nicely, as they started eating around his coffee table. “We could only get a few songs last time.”

He suddenly remembered Izzy’s song, how he couldn’t even get to play it for her. He didn’t get to Magnus’ one either, or Clary’s. The whole thing had been a mess.

“I’m sorry, guys. I had a few surprises prepared for you.” He said, looking at Izzy. “I started playing your song, but…”

Izzy waved her hand dismissively, holding her box with the other.

“You can play it just for me.” She said, wriggling her eyebrows. “It will be more special, like you’re serenading me.”

Simon laughed, and the conversation flowed smoothly. Magnus started talking about a new series of books he was reading that Izzy had recommended him, and Simon wanted to read too. He was too focused on the discussion about the author and his latest work to be careful with his lip, so he winced as he felt an unexpected sting. Jace was leaning over him in a second, examining his split lip with furrowed eyebrows and worried eyes.

“Are you okay?” he asked, looking into his eyes.

It was definitely new and exciting, because it was all Simon ever wanted. For Jace to worry about him, to make sure he was fine, to sit next to him at gatherings like no other place was ever an option. He nodded, flustered, but Jace kept watching him for a while. Simon had to fight a stupid smile throughout dinner. He wasn’t very good at hiding how he felt, after all.

When they finished, and Alec started preparing coffee, Magnus offered to lend Simon the book they were talking about before. He had a few from the same author, and he told Simon he could borrow some if he wanted. Despite hanging out at their apartment regularly, it was so big he had not seen it all because they usually liked to stay in the living room, the kitchen, or the balcony when the nights were warm. According to Magnus, their library slash studio was at the end of the corridor, so he went there for the first time.

When he opened the door, the thoughts of the books he had come to find flew from his mind. Because right there, in the middle of the room, was a grand piano.

Simon had always loved playing the piano. He was more of a guitar kind of guy, but he had learned piano when he was little, and he always enjoyed it. His apartment was too small to fit one, and he had to do with his keyboard, so seeing one as gorgeous as that one made him very excited.

He sat on the black, cushiony bench, and he ran his fingers through the keys without applying any pressure. He rolled up the sleeves of his shirt and wriggled his fingers before moving them on the keys experimentally. It sounded unbelievingly good, so he started playing. His mind took him to the first song he wrote for piano, a smile growing on his lips as the familiar notes filled the air. He had spent so many hours on that piece, tweaking and perfecting it until it was something he could play ten years later, with his eyes closed.

The words played on his head, but he kept silent, letting the piano speak for itself. Simon was particularly proud of that one. It was easy, writing with his guitar, but the feeling of a song made for a piano was different, and not what he was used to. It had been the first time, and he felt like a proud father when he finished it. It was still raw and honest, after all those years.

His fingers slowly came to a stop, and he hung his head low, lost in the moment. When he opened his eyes and sat up straight, he noticed something different in the air. He turned around and found Jace standing on the threshold, arms over his chest.

Jace walked in, arms falling to his sides, and sat on the bench next to him. Their legs pressed together, and Simon just looked at him.

“Beautifully played.” He complimented, and it took Simon by surprise.

“You play?” he asked, and the smile Jace gave him was all sorts of wrong.

“Used to.” He simply said.

Jace had his hands on his legs, and the way he looked at the piano was painful to watch. His hands were running up and down the curve of his knees, like his fingers were itching to stroke the keys, and it was the only way to stop them. His face was blank, but the way his eyes shined and his jaw tensed told Simon the truth.

“Why did you stop?” he asked, and Jace looked at him in wonder. “You long for it.”

Maybe that question would have crossed too many lines at any other moment, but sitting there together, the music still in the air, it felt like the only possible thing to ask.

Jace stayed silent for too long, eyes falling back to the piano. There was a battle inside of him, but it didn’t seem like he wanted to fight, like he had gave up before even starting.

“My father taught me how to play.” He said, his fingers curling into fists. “He hit me every time I made a mistake. He broke my fingers once. After he died, I never played again. He was my biological father. I was adopted by the Lightwoods.”

Simon’s hand moved on its own, and he placed it on top of Jace’s. Jace’s eyes found his, and Simon squeezed his hand. There were so many things he wanted to say. _I’m sorry. I got you. I love you._ But he didn’t say them. Instead, he said what he knew Jace needed to know.

“It’s okay if you never play again.” His voice was barely a whisper. “But it looks like you don’t hate the piano. You just hate the memories.” He paused, eyes shining. “But, you can make new memories, Jace.”

_Like this one._

Jace’s eyes sparkled, unsaid feelings swaying in them. No one had looked at Simon like Jace did just then, electrifying and genuine, like he was the answer to all the questions he had ever asked. Their strings looked like one tangled around their entwined hands, and the air changed around them, like gravity had shifted to bring them together. Leaning towards each other, their breaths mingled together, and the distance between their lips physically hurt. Simon’s eyes fluttered closed, his body melting against Jace’s warmth.

A crashing sound came suddenly, feeling so close but so far away at the same time. Jace startled and pulled back, his hand leaving Simon’s, who felt like he emerged from underwater, cold and gasping for air. Jace blinked like he didn’t know where he was, and he stood up, rushing and stumbling over the bench, unusually ungraceful. He took a couple of steps back, his eyes flying from the piano to Simon.

Simon stayed there, frozen in time, and Jace’s eyes fixed on his lips. Jace licked his slowly, opened his mouth, but closed it straight away, turning on his heels and all but running out of the door.

Simon stared after him, and a smile grew on his lips.

The moment was broken, but now Simon was sure. It wasn’t his imagination. It wasn’t his wishful thinking. Jace felt the same, all of it. The overwhelming need, the inexplicable thirst, the tightness in his chest. The mysterious way they seemed to understand each other, just with a glance. The inescapable certainty that the strings tied them together for a reason, their souls tangled and twisted around one another.

* * *

Magnus’ parties were always something legendary, but his birthday party was the queen of them all. Izzy had told them many, many stories about them, each one more incredible than the last. All kinds of crazy things had happened, but the most incredible one was that Alec and Magnus had found each other. Magnus himself had told him the story of how he invited Izzy after she had started working at the company, and she had brought along her oldest brother. That had been five years ago, and Simon wondered if Magnus’ parties were actually kind of magic, because he had met Jace in one of them too.

After knowing Magnus for a while, and having been to a few of his ordinary parties, he knew what he meant when he said the dress code for his birthday one was ‘casual’. He dug his fanciest suit out of the back of his closet and paired it with a black shirt, no tie. He tried to style his hair for once, pushing it back, and he thought he did a decent job at it.

As we walked into the apartment that was already full of people dressed to impress, he smiled as he remembered his first party and how out of place he had felt in his usual clothes. This time, though, he had come prepared.

“Simon! Don’t you look handsome!” Izzy’s voice reached him, and he turned around, smiling at her. Standing beside her were Alec and Magnus.

She was gorgeous, as always, in a hot pink dress that would probably look ridiculous on anyone else and that only she managed to pull off. Magnus and Alec looked like they came out of a soulmate movie: Magnus in a black suit, and Alec in a white one, with matching opposite ties. Simon would have never thought Alec was one for matching outfits and fancy parties, but with his arms around Magnus and the soft expression he only had when his soulmate was around, he looked like he would be fine with anything Magnus suggested. 

“Thank you, Izzy, you look stunning, but that’s not new.” He complimented her, and she laughed, curling her arm around his.

Simon lifted the little box he was carrying and offered it to Magnus.

“Happy birthday, Magnus.” He said, as Magnus clapped his hands together in delight and then took the box. “I hope you like it.”

It was no secret that Magnus loved celebrating his birthday and getting presents. Izzy said he was really hard to shop for, unless you were her or Alec, and had tried to give him some ideas, but Simon had known exactly what to get him. The moment Magnus opened the wrapping paper and saw the present, jaw dropping, Simon knew he had been right.

“Oh my god, Simon!” Magnus screamed, and a few people turned around, surprised.

In his hands was the latest album of his favorite band, Deaf Butterflies. It was the same album that had been announced but wasn’t out yet, signed by all of the members, and dedicated to him.

“To our number one fan, the one and only Magnus Bane. A little bird told us that track nine, ‘Sparkle’, was inspired by you. Thank you for bringing magic into the world. We hope you like your song.” Read Magnus, and then threw himself into Simon’s arms. “This is… I’m speechless… It’s just… Thank you!”

Simon hugged him back and saw that Izzy was covering her mouth with her hand, clearly impressed. Alec threw him an approving look, and just nodded, smiling warmly at Magnus’ excitement. The key to his heart, it seemed like, was making Magnus happy.

Leaving Magnus Bane speechless was a difficult and impressive feat, and Simon felt proud as Magnus showed the present to all his friends and acquaintances, which were many, dragging him around by the arm.

After a long time, he managed to slip away and return to Izzy. He hadn’t seen Jace around, and was eager to see him. The last time he’d been there, they had almost kissed sitting in front of the piano, and he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it, but he didn’t want to pressure him. It had taken them months to get to this point, and he didn’t want to take a wrong step by rushing their blooming and fragile relationship.

“Hey, Izz.” He greeted as he accepted the glass of champagne she offered. “Have you seen Jace?”

Izzy looked around, standing on the tiptoes of her already high heels. 

“He was here before you arrived.” She said, tilting her head. “He said he needed to be somewhere, but I haven’t seen him since.”

Simon thanked her and walked away, fairly sure of where he was. He took a sip of his champagne as he walked down the corridor, his heartbeat faster and faster as he came closer to the library.

He couldn’t help but smile at the thought that Jace was there, in the same room where they had almost kissed only a few days ago. He was not at the party, but waiting for him where they had left it off. Simon tried to calm down his furious heart, breathing in deeply. He was thrumming with excitement, Jace’s intense eyes, and his plump lips the only thing on his mind. After all that time, and all the doubts, it was at finger’s reach, and he couldn’t wait.

His hand turned the doorknob, and the door opened quietly. The room was dark, save for the moonlit piano in the center.

Simon’s smile slowly faded as he registered the scene in front of him. Jace was there, sitting on the piano bench, but he wasn’t alone. A petite blonde was on his lap, arms around his back, fingers tangled on his hair. One of the thin straps of her dress was pulled down her shoulder, and her lips were on his neck. Jace had his head thrown back, hands moving up and down her back, down to her ass.

The glass fell from his hand in slow motion, and it shattered at his feet, the noise deafening in the silence. The girl didn’t seem to notice, but Jace’s eyes moved to the door, and they found Simon’s. His hands stopped, but he didn’t push her away. He just stayed there as she marked his neck, and Simon suddenly felt sick. He had the horrifying thought that he needed to get away from there, or he would suffocate.

His feet moved on their own, and he was out of the door and sprinting down the hall. The noises of the party were getting closer, and he needed to get out, to walk out onto the street, to breathe.

A hand grabbed at his wrist, and he was turned around abruptly, colliding with Jace’s chest. His white shirt was missing a few buttons, and his throat closed up. He tried to pull his hand back, but Jace’s grip was tight, and Simon couldn’t breathe.

“Don’t do this, Simon.” He said, and he wanted to scream. Do what?

He didn’t realize he said it out loud, the words foreign in his own ears. Did he really sound like that?

“Don’t look at me like that.” Jace said, his eyes cold and distant. “Like we were something, when you were the one who said we would be just friends. You were the one who said you wouldn’t ask anything of me.”

Simon opened his mouth, but there was a lump in his throat, and he didn’t even know if he wanted to talk. His eyes were blurry, and he belatedly realized he was crying.

Jace’s eyes followed the tear that rolled down his cheek, and he let go of his wrist as if it burned him. Simon stumbled back, as his glasses fogged up, and he turned around blindly. He ran into the living room, bumping into several people he didn’t see at all and made his way through the door.

“Simon!” he heard, as Clary appeared in front of him.

He tried to push her away, but she stopped him, a strong hold on his shoulders. Her blurred face came into view.

“Simon, calm down!” she said, but her voice was panicked. “What’s wrong? What happened?”

“I have to…” he tried to say, but a sob made his way out of his mouth.

“Simon, you’re scaring me, what’s going on?”

“I need to… I can’t be here.” He managed to say, as he pushed away her hands and ran to the door.

He somehow made it down the stairs, stumbling over his feet only a couple of times. Clary’s voice echoed after him from the top of the stairs, but Simon ran into the street, and he took in a deep breath of crisp night air.

Taking his glasses off, he spotted a taxi through his wet eyelashes, and he raised a hand to stop it. He jumped in, ignoring the driver’s alarmed look as he closed the door.

“Drive! Just drive!” he yelled, and the taxi started moving.

Simon rested his forehead against the window, fingers clutching his glasses. He closed his eyes as the tears kept falling, and he just crumbled, his glasses falling to his lap as he hid his face in his arms, heartbroken. 

* * *

The first days after the party were the worst. Clary had tried to call him, but he told her he needed time. At that point, he wasn't even sure it was true. The string around his finger kept reminding him that maybe time wouldn't be enough this once.

The images kept replaying in his head, Jace on the piano bench, their piano bench, the one where they had shared the most beautiful moment in Simon's life, but someone else on top of him… No matter how hard he tried to stop it, to take it out of his mind, it was all he could see, even with his eyes closed. He scrolled mindlessly on his phone, on the list of channels of his TV, but nothing seemed to distract him for long enough. Jace's pretty eyes finding his, the girl on him marking his neck, his blank expression. On the second day, he threw the remote against the wall.

Music turned out to be the only thing he could do. It didn't help him take his mind off of things, quite the opposite, but at least the heaviness of his chest seemed to lighten when he wrote down his feelings on paper. Song after song, he felt like he was starting to breathe again. His guitar laid abandoned on the floor as he sat in front of the keyboard, the memories of Jace unequivocally associated with it. After a week, he had enough songs for a ballad album, but he kept writing.

Clary called again, and this time he answered. She was worried, they all were. She didn't ask what had happened, and he had a feeling she already knew. She did ask when he was coming back, and he paused at that.

"I'm not." He said as he held the phone against his ear.

Clary kept silent, and when she spoke, her voice was soft and low, like she was talking to a fragile and scared animal. He probably was.

" _What do you mean, Simon_?"

He knew he had to say it, to face it, but it hurt. Just saying it hurt. He breathed in.

"I can't do it." He mumbled, and it broke his heart, but it was the truth. It was what he needed. "I can't keep doing this to myself. I need space, and time, and I can't move on if I keep hanging out with you guys."

" _But we are your friends, Simon, you don't even need to see him…_ " she tried to say, but he cut her off.

"It would be weird and uncomfortable for everyone, Fray." He said, and she sighed. She knew he was right. "I don't want to force anyone to pick sides or to have to make special plans, so we don't run into each other… I am their friend, but they are his family. I need to step back."

" _Simon…_ " she whispered. " _They miss you. I miss you."_

He missed them too, but he couldn't feign normality around them.

"We can still hang out." He said, because it had always been them against the world, before anyone else. "You know we'll always be together."

" _I know, Simon_." She replied, and he could almost hear her sadness. " _It's just… It won't be the same without you._ "

And he knew what she meant. Their hangouts had become routine, something as normal as breathing. They had become an unusual chosen family, with their antics and traditions. Their favorite little charming restaurant, where they had become regulars, and the waiters knew their orders by heart. The number they always called to order Chinese, where they only had to say 'Bane', and they already knew their order and the address. Alec and Magnus' apartment, the place where they always met, after a long day or a long week, and they talked and played and laughed.

Simon was going to miss it, all of it. He wasn't only stepping away from Jace, but from the only real friends he had ever made. But then again, it was only his fault. He had insisted had told Jace they could be only friends, fooled himself into thinking he could somehow change his mind and ran out crying when Jace hadn't. He was the only one to blame. He had forced his way into Jace's life, into his family, and had screwed it all up by wanting more than Jace could offer. He had been honest from the beginning, but Simon hadn't. And that was all on him.

"You'll be fine." He said, and he knew it was true. They would make it without him.

" _Izzy said she would text you. Magnus too. Alec…_ " she paused, and Simon laughed.

"The day Alec texts me, I'll have a heart attack and think one of you is half dead." He joked, and Clary laughed too.

She turned serious suddenly.

" _Let's meet later this week, okay_?" She asked, and he agreed. " _I'll take you out for dinner. There's a new Korean barbeque close to my place._ "

"Sounds good." He smiled.

" _Don't drown yourself in work. Clean the floors and throw out all of those balled up papers with your lyrics on it. You never go back to them, so don't keep them around. And stop ordering pizza. Make yourself something healthy, and eat some fruit_." She nagged, and he looked around his room. His floor was, in fact, covered by thrown out lyrics, and a few empty pizza boxes were piling up on his table. He laughed. She knew him too well.

"Yes, yes, mom." He said, and she promised to call the next day to talk in detail about their date.

When he hung up, he felt better and worse at the same time. Talking with Clary was always nice, and she constantly reminded him she would never leave him alone. But he would miss Izzy, with her bright smile and warm eyes, her wet kisses and tight hugs, her enthusiasm about music, fashion, and politics alike. He would miss Magnus, personality as shiny as his makeup, all talent and warmth, and wit. He would even miss Alec, who didn't say much, but when he did, it was always the right thing, and who always rolled his eyes at his jokes, even the good ones.

He would miss Jace… He didn't want to go there. He hoped someday he would be able to think about him without his heart clenching painfully and his throat closing up. Maybe someday, the memories would stop haunting his dreams. His eyes fell on the red string, bright and beautiful on his finger. Maybe not.

Days turned into weeks, and almost a month. He had cleaned his apartment and sent some songs to his label. They were surprised at his sudden change of style, but they loved it nonetheless. He started going out with Clary, and it felt weird, being only the two of them again. He knew Clary was still hanging out with the rest, but he never asked, and she never shared. They tried new restaurants and saw new movies, and it felt like going back in time to a few months ago. It was good, but she was right. It wasn't the same.

Izzy and Magnus texted him often, and they never mentioned Jace. Izzy talked about her new designs, her new favorite songs, her workouts. Magnus talked about his designs too, Alec, the books he was reading, Alec, the new cocktails he invented, and Alec. They both asked about his music, his progress at the gym. It was nice, but it also made him ache.

Simon hadn't asked about Jace, not even once, and it had been so hard to bite his tongue every time. He wanted to know how he was, if he was doing good, if he was happy. If he missed him. But he was afraid to ask, afraid the answer would be like a knife against his fresh scars. So he didn't, and they pretended there were no uncomfortable silences or doubtful pauses.

He stayed up late most nights, on his tiny, minuscule balcony where he could barely sit with his legs crossed. He had gone back to his guitar, and he mindlessly played as he let the night air ruffle his hair. Some days he sang quietly. Some days he just played. Others he just held his guitar, staring at the bustling nightlife outside. It was soothing, and he came up with some new melodies there.

He was sitting outside again one night, humming softly as his fingers moved over the strings, when the doorbell rang. He paused, lifting his head, but decided someone had the wrong door. He didn't know the time, but he knew it was too late for anyone to visit him.

The doorbell rang again, and Simon sighed. He put his guitar down and stood up with a groan. If it was some drunk teenager who got the apartment number wrong, he would be pissed.

He yanked the door open, a lecture already on his lips, but his mind went blank at the sight of beautiful eyes and disheveled blond hair.

Jace.

He stood there as Jace's eyes ran over him, and he did the same. Jace was as bold, as intense as he remembered. He looked tired, a bit rumpled, but he still had the same effect on Simon. He hated it. Why did he have such a grip on him? He had tried to stay away, to stand back and gain some perspective, but one look at him, and he felt like he was back at square one, as nervous and lost as he had felt months ago. It wasn't fair.

Jace was staring too, and Simon wondered what he saw in him. Was it obvious? Did he see all his sleepless nights, the way every little thing reminded Simon of him? Was he able to tell he was crumbling inside?

"Can I come in?" He asked, and all of it was so unlike him, it almost made him laugh. Almost.

"I don't think…" he started, but Jace interrupted him.

"Please." And that was new, and he should say no, but Jace's eyes were also begging him.

He moved aside, and Jace walked in. He didn't look around the apartment, his eyes on Simon as he closed the door.

Simon walked into the living room and crossed his arms over his chest.

"What are you doing here, Jace?" He asked.

"I miss you." Said Jace. "I got used to you being there all the time. But I don't want to get used to you not being there."

Simon laughed, dry and incredulous.

"That was the worst love confession anyone has ever made." He joked because he couldn't process the situation without his humor.

But Jace came closer and took Simon’s hand in his. Simon looked down and saw that Jace had used the hand with a string to take the one with Simon's string too. He thought that maybe it was just a coincidence, but the intense look on Jace's face told him it wasn't. His breath hitched.

"I'm sorry, Simon." He said, and the sincerity in his voice was as blatant as the pain. "I know I hurt you. I've been hurting you since the first day."

"I never wanted a soulmate. My dad… He wasn't a good person. He made my mom so miserable. I grew up thinking that was what soulmates were: just two people fated to destroy each other, a relationship destined to crash and burn. When the Lightwoods adopted me, I saw it happen again. People got together because their strings said they had to, and they consumed each other, to the point where there was nothing left, just pain. I didn't want that. I didn't want anyone to have that power over me, the power to destroy me and ruin me."

He paused, and Simon realized it was the first time Jace was admitting that out loud. A part of him wanted to walk away and close the door in his face because he wasn’t ready to face him, but he knew Jace wasn’t the type to talk about his feelings. He doubted even Alec or Izzy knew about what he was telling him. He couldn’t stop him, not when something told him it was the first time Jace was opening up about his deep, buried emotions in his life. He gave his hand a little squeeze, and Jace continued. 

"When I met you, I told you the truth. I didn't want a soulmate. But then, you said you wouldn't ask anything from me, and I thought I would never change my mind. All you talked about was music, and I thought I hated it. You didn’t like working out, and that’s literally my job. I thought we had nothing in common, so I didn’t worry about it. But you fit in so easily. My siblings loved you. It was like you had always been there. You made your way into our lives so fast, so effortlessly. It scared me."

"Then I got to know you… And I realized I had it all wrong. You wouldn't be the one who broke my heart. I would break yours. You were… You are so good and smart, funny, caring, and brave, and loyal… I realized I would be the one to hurt you. I knew I didn't deserve you, and that I would only bring you pain. I didn't understand why the string pulled us together, why someone like you would be fated to be with someone like me… I knew you deserved someone better, someone who wasn't a mess like me."

Simon’s eyes welled up, and he tried to blink back the tears, but he couldn’t. Not after what Jace had just said.

"I tried to push you away, but you only seemed to get closer. I tried messing with other people, but I could only think of you. I tried to keep my distance, but in the end, I just couldn't. I knew I wasn't the right person for you, and I tried to fight it… But every little thing I discovered about you, it made me like you more. No matter what I did, you were always so warm… I couldn't resist it."

"I'm sorry for hurting you. You walked away when I was the one who brought you pain. These days… I couldn't bear it. I can't go back to not having you in my life because you make me so happy. I know, trust me, I know I don't deserve you. I know you should be with someone better, but… You make me want to try. With you, I want to be a better person. I want to treat you like you deserve. I still don't know what I did to get someone like you, but even if there were no strings, you would still be the one for me. I know. And I'm so far from being the soulmate you should have, but I promise you I will try my best to be."

The tears rolled down his cheeks, and Jace let go of his hands. Simon whined at the loss, but Jace’s hands covered his face, and his thumbs dried off his tears. His eyes, his beautiful mismatched eyes, were shining with unshed tears as well.

"I know being soulmates doesn't mean things are easy, I've seen it. But If you'll have me, I'll always try my best. If you can forgive me, I will never stop loving you. We can make new memories together."

Simon couldn’t hold on a sob as he launched himself into Jace’s arms. Strong arms caught him, and he buried his face in Jace’s neck. Jace held him as he cried, impossibly close, and he felt him breathe into his hair.

He moved back, just enough to look into Jace’s eyes, still tangled in his arms.

"I take it back. That was the best love confession anyone has ever made." He said, and Jace’s smile lit up his face in a way he had never seen before.

Jace’s hands curled around his waist, and Simon had never felt so warm in his life. He never wanted to pull away, to stop feeling Jace’s body on his. It didn’t feel real, after all the times he had looked at him, wanting precisely this, but Jace had looked away. He wanted to throw himself into Jace, body and soul, but they needed to talk first. He wouldn’t be able to build a future with Jace if they weren’t on the same page. He wouldn’t be able to withstand being pushed away, not again, not after this.

He balled his hand on Jace’s shirt, the other one resting on his chest, his expression turning serious.

"But you can't do this, Jace. You can't close up and bottle up your feelings and your fears. You need to tell me what's bothering you, what's the problem, because we can make it work together. And if we can't, then at least we'll hold each other, and it will be easier."

The way Jace looked at him made him weak in the knees. Because Jace had never looked more serious, more committed to anything. His eyes were firm, determined, as he placed one hand on Simon’s cheek and held him softly, almost reverently.

“I will.” He said, and Simon believed him. Because there was nothing but honesty in his voice, in his eyes, in the way his heart was beating like crazy under Simon’s hand.

Jace’s firmness melted into a soft smile as he rested his forehead against Simon’s, eyes locked on each other.

“I love you.” He said, and he closed the distance between their lips.

It was like coming home, a familiar feeling, warmth spreading on his chest. Jace's lips were soft, and they tasted like something Simon would always crave. The way they moved against his, how they made his heart go crazy and his body tremble, was nothing he had expected, but he knew he would never get enough of it.

Jace moved his tongue against his, and Simon sighed into the kiss. He felt like he was finally where he belonged, and he wanted to freeze time so he could always stay like this. But he knew Jace's lips promised countless kisses, and he couldn't wait to have them all. The slow and quiet, the hot and loud, all of them.

They pulled away slowly, catching their breaths, and Simon’s eyes were still closed as he asked:

"Tell me you love me again."

He could feel Jace’s smile as he pressed soft kisses on his lips, his cheeks, his jaw.

"I love you." He repeated.

"God, I love you, Jace. Tell me again."

His eyes opened as Jace kissed his nose, and he never wanted to look away from the sight of his smile.

"I love you, Simon." He whispered. "I never stood a chance."

Simon had never felt so strongly about anyone in his life. Just a touch, a kiss, and he felt a strong need to hold on to Jace and never let him go. The intensity of the sudden rush of warmth was dizzying. 

He jumped into Jace’s arms, wrapping his legs around his waist as he brought their lips together. Jace caught him easily, holding him in his arms like he weighed nothing, and that fact had Simon moaning into his mouth. Jace tilted his head, deepening the kiss, and Simon ran his fingers through his blond hair, pulling on it slightly. The way Jace groaned had him pulling harder, and Jace threw his head back. Their eyes met, and the fire in Jace’s was something unstoppable. He closed his eyes, tilting his head as Jace trailed open-mouthed kisses along his neck, slowly moving upwards. His teeth gracing his earlobe had him whimpering Jace’s name, and suddenly his back slammed against the wall.

Jace held him with one hand, the other against the wall, and Simon’s cock twitched. He didn’t even know he had a thing for being manhandled, but it was obvious now as his erection rubbed against Jace’s stomach. His hands trailed down Jace’s arms, muscles tensed, and he moaned as Jace sucked a mark in his neck.

In any other situation, with any other person, Simon would have felt things were moving too fast, but not with Jace. The way their bodies reacted to each other’s, the connection that was almost tangible between them… It felt natural, easy. Nothing had ever felt so right and simple, so he didn’t want to stop. He didn’t want to wait, not when he could be in Jace’s arms instead.

When Jace pressed him closer to the wall, resting their foreheads together so he could slide a hand inside Simon’s pants, he stopped him. Jace looked at him, breathing heavily, and slightly confused. Simon smiled and bit on his lower lip.

“Take me to the bedroom.” He asked.

Jace’s smile was predatory as he placed his hands under Simon’s butt and started walking into the apartment. Simon decided it was his time to maul his neck, and he felt proud as he heard his soft gasps.

“As much as I’d like to run to your bed.” Jace said, stopping in the middle of the living room. “I don’t know where your bedroom is.”

Simon chuckled, realizing it was true. Jace had only been to his place once, and he had stayed briefly, not moving past his living room.

“End of the corridor, second door to your right.” He whispered on his ear, and he laughed as Jace sprinted towards it.

They fell into the bed, Jace holding his weight on top of Simon with one arm. Simon's hands flew to Jace's shirt, pulling it up impatiently. Jace moved to his knees and pulled it off his head, throwing it carelessly onto the floor. Simon gaped at the sight of his toned chest, and Jace noticed, a smug smile on his lips.

Simon sat up on the bed and started unbuttoning his shirt. His fingers fumbled with anticipation, and he gasped as Jace ripped it open, buttons flying everywhere.

"Hey! I liked that shirt!" He said, trying to sound even a bit offended, but it was hard since it was one of the hottest things he had ever seen.

Jace smiled as he pushed him down, following him with his body.

"I can sew, I'll fix it for you later." He mumbled as he pressed kisses down his chest.

Jace's mouth found his nipple, and he tortured it slowly, while his hands unfastened Simon's pants. He bit and sucked as he pulled them down, right along with his underwear. Simon's erection sprung free against his stomach, and he groaned as Jace trailed his tongue down his chest, down, down…

Simon's back arched against the bed as Jace licked a stripe along the side of his cock. He opened his eyes and groaned at the sight of a half-naked Jace with his mouth on him. He was a vision. The blond hair was falling into his eyes, and Simon pushed it back. Jace shot him a grateful look and sucked softly on the tip.

He traced the visible veins on his length, only taking the tip into his mouth, teasing it with his tongue. Simon was sprawled on the bed, one hand gripping Jace's hair and the other thrown over his head.

"Ah, ah, Jace…" he moaned, and he cursed under his breath when he looked up at him, pressing a kiss on the side.

"Keep looking at me." He said and then took him all on his mouth.

Simon threw his head back, hips lifting, and Jace held him down with one hand. The other curled around the base of his dick as he moved back.

"Don't look away." He warned, and Simon locked their eyes.

It was hard to keep them open. Jace looked impossibly good, head bobbing up and down slowly, and his mouth felt heavenly on him. Simon didn't think he would ever get used to the way his mouth felt around him, hot and heavy, his tongue swirling and barely a graze of his teeth.

Simon was panting when Jace cupped his balls and started moving faster. His other hand curled around his cock, pumping at the same rhythm of his mouth, and Simon had never felt so hard and so good.

When Jace pulled away, he wanted to scream. He lifted himself on his elbows, not sure of why he had stopped. Jace licked his lips, a hungry look on his face, and Simon needed more.

"How do you want to do this?" Asked Jace, and Simon just needed him back on him.

"I need you inside of me, Jace." He said, and Jace's mismatched eyes darkened.

"I haven't been with anyone in a while." He admitted, running a hand down Simon's chest. "I got tested recently, but if you want me to use a…"

"I trust you."

Jace's mouth was suddenly on his, and Simon moaned at the taste of his own precum.

"The lube is somewhere in the bottom drawer of my nightstand." He mumbled between kisses, and Jace grunted affirmatively, propping his body up and leaning over the side of the bed.

He rummaged through the drawer as Simon ran his fingers down his side.

"Bit messy, aren't we?" Asked Jace with a smile, as it took him longer than expected to find it.

"Shut up and come here."

He laughed as he moved back into the bed, uncapping the lube with one hand. He positioned himself in between Simon's legs, and he started leaving kisses on the inside of his thigh, slowly moving up.

"Someone is impatient." Teased Jace as Simon bucked his hips.

"I need you, Jace. Please." He begged, and that seemed to do the trick.

A slicked finger pressed against his rim, but Jace's mouth was back on his cock, and Simon cried loudly. It was uncomfortable at first, but the way Jace's tongue was playing with the underside of his head was very distracting. Jace's finger moved in slowly, and Simon loved how Jace’s hands were bigger than his, how he stretched him better than he could do for himself.

A second finger followed shortly after, and Simon was a panting mess under Jace, head thrown to the side and eyes tightly shut, a hand balled on the sheets, and the other tangled in blond hair. Jace flicked his fingers, and Simon saw stars.

“Oh my god, Jace!” he cried, pleasure running through his body, so intense and abrupt he felt breathless.

Jace didn’t stop. He kept on moving his fingers, adding a third one, twisting, and curling and stretching him deliciously slow. By the time Jace pulled them out, he felt he was going crazy.

When Jace stood up to take off the rest of his clothes, Simon felt cold, exposed in the bed, but every single thought went out the window when he saw Jace standing naked. His body was firm and toned, all golden skin and lean muscles. Simon’s eyes fell on his cock, thick and big, and he didn’t try to hide the lust in his eyes.

Jace crawled over him, moving slowly, and Simon needed him so badly. Their mouths crashed together, and Simon wrapped his arms around his neck, pulling him closer. Jace smiled against his lips, clearly pleased, but Simon couldn’t wait anymore.

“I need you.” He begged, and Jace just kissed him as he poured some lube on his length, and he positioned himself.

Simon cried out when Jace pushed in, the stretch delicious and burning at the same time. Jace’s forehead fell on his, and their eyes locked as he moved in deeper. Simon watched in fascination as Jace’s face contorted with pleasure, eyes scrunching up and jaw tensing. He moved his hands down Jace’s back and pushed him closer without any warning. Jace bottomed out, and they both groaned at the feeling.

“Shit, Simon.” He said, voice shaking. “Give a man a warning.”

Jace pinned his arms above his head and interlaced their fingers. He started to move, slow and steady, and Simon felt so full, drowning in the pleasure.

“Jace…” he whispered, dazedly. “Jace, Jace…”

“I love you.” moaned Jace, and he had never felt closer to him as he felt in that exact moment, bodies intertwined and feelings running high. “Simon…”

There was something about this Jace, skin glistening with sweat, hair tousled, and shining eyes that mesmerized him. Every time he thought he couldn’t fall in deeper, he did, and he loved the feeling because Jace looked at him in the exact same way.

“Touch me.” He asked, and Jace’s hands left his to run down his chest.

The moment his hands were free, he pushed him away. Jace’s eyes widened, not expecting it, and their bodies disentangled for just one second. Simon didn’t say anything. Instead, he pushed Jace down on the bed and straddled him. He used a hand to help position Jace’s cock under him, and he sank down in one fast motion.

Jace moaned his name, eyes closing in bliss. Simon threw his head back as he rolled his hips. Simon didn’t know what he liked more: Jace on top of him or under him. The way he was looking up to him, dazedly and in love, was almost too much for Simon.

He started moving faster, the position making Jace’s cock go so deep it almost hit his prostate every time he fell down. Jace’s hands were on his waist, and soon Simon’s thighs ached from the effort. He whined, and Jace started thrusting his hips upwards. Simon screamed, the pace of his thrusts brutal and unforgiving. He felt the pleasure building up, his breath shortening, and his toes curling with a tingling sensation.

“Jace…” he cried, feeling so close. “I’m… I’m…”

Jace’s hand wrapped around his cock, and Simon sobbed, the pleasure becoming too much and not enough, and he was coming, tears rolling down his cheeks as his cum fell on Jace underneath him.

He fell on top of Jace, feeling boneless, fuzzy, and satiated. He was barely aware of Jace holding him closer and speeding up his thrusts until he came, spilling inside of him.

They laid together, Simon on top of Jace, as they tried to catch their breath. They were sweaty and sticky, panting heavily, exhausted. They didn’t move for a while. Simon sighed. He had never felt so content.

“Come here.” Said Jace eventually, and Simon moved slightly, feeling Jace slipping out of him as he laid on his side.

He placed a hand on Jace’s chest, the hand with the red string tied on his finger. Jace grabbed it gently, fingers lacing together, also using the one with his string. Simon watched as their strings met, an almost nonexisting distance between them. It was beautiful.

“It has never been like this.” he thought out loud. “Nothing’s ever felt so… Right.”

“And nothing will ever be.” Said Jace, and Simon smiled, head laying on his chest, right above his heart. “I’m sorry I took this long.”

Simon placed a kiss on his chest, and he squeezed their fingers. With their hands so close together, their strings looked like one.

“It was worth the wait.”

* * *

Simon walked into Alec and Magnus’ apartment a few days later. He and Jace had been spending time together since, after all they had been through, they couldn’t seem to be apart anymore. They wanted nothing more than to discover each other, having all the time in the world since no one else knew about them yet. But it had been a little more than a month since he saw his friends, and he missed them. He also wanted to surprise them with the good news, and Jace had agreed, happy to share the moment with his family.

Izzy was the first one to see him. She paused midway through distributing the food. Her eyes widened and quickly flew to Jace, who was sitting on the couch, talking to Alec. To her, and everyone else, the last news was that he needed some time to be away from Jace, who didn’t love him back, so she was rightly shocked to see him walking in.

“Simon.” She said, and everyone looked at him.

Clary, who was coming back from the kitchen, almost dropped the drinks she was carrying.

“Simon!” she said too, looking panicked. “What are you doing here? Jace is here.”

Simon’s eyes moved back to the couch, where Jace had noticed him. The smile that lighted up his face was a sight he would never get used to.

“Yeah, I know.” He just said and walked past her into the living room.

Ignoring Magnus’ and Alec’s stunned faces, he plopped down next to Jace, who immediately wrapped an arm around his shoulders and pulled him closer. He smiled up at him, and Jace leaned over to press a sweet kiss on his lips.

“Hey babe.” He said, and Jace’s smile was bright as he leaned back on the couch, bodies still pressed together.

“Hey.” Jace replied, eyes shining with affection.

Simon was startled by the noise of glass shattering against the floor. He turned around to see Clary, who was standing with her mouth opened in the middle of the room. One look across the room confirmed that the rest had the exact same incredulous expression on their faces. Alec and Magnus were gaping at them, and Izzy… Well, she just started yelling.

“Oh my god, when did this happen?” she asked, hands on her face.

“Simon, I can’t believe you didn’t tell me!” said Clary, finally regaining control of her body.

Simon laughed as everyone started talking at the same time. He heard Jace’s soft laugh next to him, clearly amused as well.

“A few days ago. It was all very…” He tried to say, but Izzy threw herself into his arms, falling on top of him on the couch.

“Oh my god, I’m so happy for you guys!” she said as she moved over Simon unceremoniously to hug her brother too. “We’re all family now!”

Clary was the next to fall into Simon’s arms, her eyes watery as she squeezed him and told him how happy she was for him. Magnus asked him all the indiscrete questions about how it all happened, and Jace had to rescue him, laughing as he spluttered, cheeks burning. Alec said nothing, but he stood next to Jace and patted his shoulder. When his eyes met Simon’s, his lips curved in a small smile, and Simon turned to Jace.

“I think Alec just smiled at me.” He whispered on his ear, and Jace laughed loudly at his bewildered expression.

“You make me happy, and so he approves.” He whispered back, and Simon couldn’t hide a fond smile.

“Come on, stop being gross for a second and tell us the story.” Said Magnus, and Jace and Simon turned to him, identical skeptical expressions on their faces because they had never seen Magnus being anything other than gross when he was with Alec.

Jace just threw a cushion at his face, which gained him a smack on the back of his neck from Alec. Izzy laughed, and Clary and Simon exchanged one of their meaningful looks. That was their family now, loud and annoying and ridiculous, and they wouldn’t have it any other way.

Simon couldn’t have been outside in the balcony for more than ten minutes when he felt Jace’s arms wrapping around his waist. He smiled as Jace rested his chin on Simon’s shoulder, placing a soft kiss on the side of his neck. The night was warm, and a cool breeze ruffled his hair.

“I’ve missed you.” Said Jace, and Simon shook his head.

“It’s been less than ten minutes.” He said, unable to hold in a big smile. “Maybe Magnus is right, and we’re being kind of gross.”

Jace held him tighter, and Simon leaned back into his chest.

“I don’t care. I love being gross with you.” He said, and Simon had to agree.

He looked down at the city, a sea of lights in the dark. It was the exact same landscape that had seen their very first moments, right on that balcony. Moments that now seemed so far, but were only a few months back.

“Everything started right here.” Said Simon, turning around in Jace’s embrace.

They were the same couple that stood on the balcony, looking at each other for the first time. Jace was the same who had walked away on him without any hesitation. Simon was the same whose heart had been crushed with just a few words. But looking into Jace’s eyes, he almost couldn’t believe it. Because now, Jace’s eyes shined every time he looked at him, warm and devoted. Now, Simon was always smiling in Jace’s arms.

Jace took Simon’s hand in his and brought it to his lips. Eyes boring into his, he kissed his little finger, right where his string was tied.

Simon had always fantasized about his soulmate, and how they would make him feel, but nothing he ever dreamed of compared to how he felt when he was with Jace. It was such a pure, unadulterated, and radiant feeling he couldn’t even begin to describe it. It was nothing like he had imagined, but more than all he ever wanted.

Nothing was going to be easy just because they were soulmates, they knew that, but he also knew they would make it work. There was nothing Simon wanted more than to discover all of Jace, the good and the bad, the happy and sad, all of him.

It had been a hell of a journey, and it had barely begun. Simon couldn’t wait to keep on walking because he knew Jace’s hand would be in his, their red strings finally tangled together.

**Author's Note:**

> Writing this has been an incredible experience. It's the first time I write in years, and it's my first fic in the SH fandom, so it's very exciting. I've always wanted to dive into the Soulmates AU world, and this is my spin on the Red String of Fate AU. Also, the world needs more Jimon, in all kinds of universes, so here we are.
> 
> The title comes from a slight modification of the lyrics of the song "Afterglow" by Taylor Swift.
> 
> Thank you to @The_Hunters_Moon for creating this event and for accepting me in your incredible server. You are the best! (If anyone wants to check us out, here: https://discord.gg/RhZPtsd :D)
> 
> And thank you to my beta @KilLinggames, for EVERYTHING. You have been my confidant since the beginning, and you have pushed me and encouraged me every day. In one of our first conversations, you told me we were "best friends in training", and I agree. I couldn't have done this without you. Love you to Edom and back!


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